Monday, November 7, 2011
Get Fit
Have you ever wanted to lose weight? Have you ever wanted to gain weight? Have you ever wanted to get a 6 pack? Have you ever wanted to get that ideal body like Brad Pitt in Fight Club or the models
in Victoria's Secret spreads? Odds are you probably have answered yes at one point in your life.
After finals were over last semester, I weighed myself on the scale and almost tipped over 200 lbs for the first time in my life. I realized how much I let myself go as the semester went, but that 199.9 reading made me worried about my health. I don't think I was obese, but I was definitely overweight. Knowing the conditions that accompany the disease made me worried about my long term health. For the first time in a long time, I pushed myself to try and get that 6 pack I've always said I would get. In May 2011 I had love handles, flabby arms, horrible stamina, and constant fatigue. I was sick of feeling sorry for myself and wanted to something about it. It didn't matter that I was one of the most in shape people before or that I was once a fat kid. The past is in the past, and to get to the future I needed to overcome the present. I had to condition myself to forget about what I once did and start focusing on what I could do then in order to attain the physique that every guy wants.
My first visits to the gym were the most painful to my ego. Not only was I weak, but I had no endurance. I couldn't do more than 3 pullups, a single dip, bench more than 135, or run longer than 5 minutes. It made it worse with all these mirrors everywhere with nowhere to hide. The reflective glass often used to promote vanity by men and women alike became a symbolism of shame. I realized this was probably why most people stop working out. The worst part is knowing how shitty you are. The mirrors at the gym are double edged swords for people of all types. Everyone checks themselves out, but not everyone views themselves only positively or negatively. Self-esteem issues run rampant among the fit and the fat, but another topic for another day.
Sacrifice. That's the key ingredient to every diet and fitness plan. I sacrificed my cravings for eating out. I sacrificed my lazy habits. I sacrificed my pride. I pretty much became a new person and in essence a better version of myself. I pushed myself to go to the gym every day. I pushed myself to not eat those delicious appetizers at every restaurant I dined at. When you get somewhere, it really is all mental. The psyche has to be stronger than the body.
My workout plan consisted of a pre-workout meal (full of carbs and protein, and Jack3d) an hour before, the workout (either lifting or cardio), a post-workout shake (usually protein) and a meal rich with enough protein and carbs. I go through 4 week lifting cycles. "Power" is high rep, medium weight, "Endurance" is high rep, low weight, and "Strength" is low rep, high weight. The order doesn't matter. But that's only a part of the plan; diet is key. I tried my friend's extreme diet of sacrificing carbs. I ate eggs in the morning, yogurt as a snack, milk when I was thirsty, and chicken breasts for dinner. I avoided pop and chips as much as possible. I slept 7-8 hours a night. I was tired all the time, but the sacrifice was well worth it.
I went from struggling to bench 135 to doing the same number of repetitions at 205. I used to shoulder press with 45 lb dumbbells and now I can exceed 80 lbs. I could barely run a mile but now I can run at about a 7 minute pace. My 3 point shot was horrible, and now my range has been extended by a couple feet. I stopped running during pick up games, and now I can play three hours straight. I lost my love handles, but not the love (haha I wonder if this could work as a pick up line?). My abs were masked by layers of fat, but now I have definition without flexing. Almost there.
The mirrors that once taunted me now remind me of what hard work and sacrifice can do. I would be lying if I said I don't occasionally glance at the mirror to check myself. It may be vain at times, but most of the time I check for progress. If you stare too long, you can never notice the changes that are to come. I haven't reached my goal yet, but I will. Before I used to hope that I would, thinking that while cheating occasionally I could still reach my goal. Now, I have the mentality "I will (blank)" and I apply it to pretty much everything in my life. This vigor drives me away from laziness. It reminds me of the passion I used to have for chemistry, where I wanted to do better than all my peers and the only thing that could stop me was sleep. I'm loving this passion, this drive, this motivation.
I will keep this up for the rest of my life.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Solidarity!
During the past summer, the NFL lockout headlined most of sports media with the NBA lockout tiptoe-ing its way up to the top. Without football, millions of Americans would frantically find so much free time that they would make their own fantasy football drafts based on Madden '12, which by the way is fun as hell! But by August after concessions were made on both sides, Roger Goodell and DeMaurice Smith struck a deal that allowed Americans to return to their billion dollar business.
With the NFL's popularity back at its peak, the NBA lockout is under the microscope now. The owners want to maintain their profits; the players want to maintain their salaries. The owners get the arenas and marketing teams; the players play in the arenas and are the marketing team. Billionaires bitching about several hundreds of millions; millionaires bitching to keep the several hundreds of millions. The losers? the hundreds of thousands of workers who maintain facilities and, in essence, the NBA.
With #OccupyWallStreet in full swing, it's surprising that people are clamoring for the NBA to return when the bigger picture should be seen. The ever-increasing income gap has been revealed by the Congressional Budget Office to support the 99%'s rhetoric. Why are the rich getting richer as the poor get poorer? As of right now, I am neither for or against the movement. The poor can be poor for many reasons - drugs, alcohol, addiction, stupidity. The poor can be poor for other reasons - deregulation, nepotism, racism, Ponzi schemes. In the grand scheme of things, the movement has started discussions that important for politics. Democrats and Republicans alike are hesitant to give their unbiased opinions about the movement as 99% of the country controls their job security.
I am a huge NBA fan and a history fanatic. To see history unfold before my eyes with two different examples telling the same story brings me sadness and joy. It's disappointing to see that the game I enjoy playing and watching is being sacrificed as the rich fight between each other instead of coming to a quick agreement for the sake of the millions who support them. The OWS movement is disappointing to hear that all they're doing is protesting and not being proactive in political discussions. Many politicians are endorsed by some special interest group and everyone knows it. The parallels are striking as David Stern is the senator who plays towards the interests of the owners and Billy Hunter is the senator who plays towards the interests of the players. The lame-duck Congress has definitely brought the trickle-down effect to the people, but not in the money sense. The polarization between people is what causes progress to stagnate.
As the recession continues, I find no hope that Congress will fully agree on anything as both sides are unwilling to negotiate a new CBA for the country. Ronald Reagan's "greatest" economic accomplishment bit America in the ass, and the people have to pay for it. (How? Many statistics about the growing income gap start from 1979, when Reagan started the trickle-down effect known as Reaganomics. Not a coincidence.)
But even during harsh economic times, people find ways to happiness. Music and movies are at its heights as the quality of each appeal to audiophiles and movie buffs. Other people may resort to substance abuse. [And this is when shit gets serious] I quit smoking cigarettes during the summer and fell back again once school started. I caught myself in the midst of smoking half a pack to a pack a day in addition to 4 to 8 cups of coffee. I am weening myself nicotine at the same time as I zombie my way through days without caffeine. I struggle to find the motivation, but I somehow make it through.
On this note, I want to state that I have tried to stop others from their substance abuse. Their weapon of choice may range from gluttony to ecstasy. Some have progressed; others have regressed. As a friend, to watch them change before my very eyes is disappointing and to say that I didn't try is a lie. From this point on, I give up on those who seek to further destroy their minds and bodies with the persistent advice from their peers. It is illogical for myself and others to make concessions with ourselves as the other side continues to gain in these CBA meetings. All I can say is "Solidarity!" for each side and only hope that an agreement can be reached.
Man, this NBA lockout shit sucks.
With the NFL's popularity back at its peak, the NBA lockout is under the microscope now. The owners want to maintain their profits; the players want to maintain their salaries. The owners get the arenas and marketing teams; the players play in the arenas and are the marketing team. Billionaires bitching about several hundreds of millions; millionaires bitching to keep the several hundreds of millions. The losers? the hundreds of thousands of workers who maintain facilities and, in essence, the NBA.
With #OccupyWallStreet in full swing, it's surprising that people are clamoring for the NBA to return when the bigger picture should be seen. The ever-increasing income gap has been revealed by the Congressional Budget Office to support the 99%'s rhetoric. Why are the rich getting richer as the poor get poorer? As of right now, I am neither for or against the movement. The poor can be poor for many reasons - drugs, alcohol, addiction, stupidity. The poor can be poor for other reasons - deregulation, nepotism, racism, Ponzi schemes. In the grand scheme of things, the movement has started discussions that important for politics. Democrats and Republicans alike are hesitant to give their unbiased opinions about the movement as 99% of the country controls their job security.
I am a huge NBA fan and a history fanatic. To see history unfold before my eyes with two different examples telling the same story brings me sadness and joy. It's disappointing to see that the game I enjoy playing and watching is being sacrificed as the rich fight between each other instead of coming to a quick agreement for the sake of the millions who support them. The OWS movement is disappointing to hear that all they're doing is protesting and not being proactive in political discussions. Many politicians are endorsed by some special interest group and everyone knows it. The parallels are striking as David Stern is the senator who plays towards the interests of the owners and Billy Hunter is the senator who plays towards the interests of the players. The lame-duck Congress has definitely brought the trickle-down effect to the people, but not in the money sense. The polarization between people is what causes progress to stagnate.
As the recession continues, I find no hope that Congress will fully agree on anything as both sides are unwilling to negotiate a new CBA for the country. Ronald Reagan's "greatest" economic accomplishment bit America in the ass, and the people have to pay for it. (How? Many statistics about the growing income gap start from 1979, when Reagan started the trickle-down effect known as Reaganomics. Not a coincidence.)
But even during harsh economic times, people find ways to happiness. Music and movies are at its heights as the quality of each appeal to audiophiles and movie buffs. Other people may resort to substance abuse. [And this is when shit gets serious] I quit smoking cigarettes during the summer and fell back again once school started. I caught myself in the midst of smoking half a pack to a pack a day in addition to 4 to 8 cups of coffee. I am weening myself nicotine at the same time as I zombie my way through days without caffeine. I struggle to find the motivation, but I somehow make it through.
On this note, I want to state that I have tried to stop others from their substance abuse. Their weapon of choice may range from gluttony to ecstasy. Some have progressed; others have regressed. As a friend, to watch them change before my very eyes is disappointing and to say that I didn't try is a lie. From this point on, I give up on those who seek to further destroy their minds and bodies with the persistent advice from their peers. It is illogical for myself and others to make concessions with ourselves as the other side continues to gain in these CBA meetings. All I can say is "Solidarity!" for each side and only hope that an agreement can be reached.
Man, this NBA lockout shit sucks.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Refresh Button (F5)
It's been months since I've been on this thing. Writing on my own is different from blogging. Time to start up again. The past two months have been refreshing. I'm going to get back into this slowly. Some thoughts..
The weather has gone from unseasonably cold to unseasonably warm. I have been enjoying it before the warmth hibernates for months. This winter is supposedly going to be freezing. The farmers are usually right, but I'm hoping they're wrong this time. Warm weather was torturous this summer, but it's better than shivering uncontrollably with layers of clothes on.
This #OccupyWallStreet business has been slowly blowing up the media. For politicians, it's hot potato because supporting or decrying it brings criticism for either being anti-populist or pro-corporate. It's the dualistic nature of a deomcratic republic and a capitalist economy. With globalization becoming a more distinguished facet of people's lives, it's getting harder for society to find a balance for its people, the economy, and the government. Everywhere around the world, economies are suffering, governments are being criticized, and people are upset. Maybe Marx and Engles weren't too far off? Time will tell.
The NBA lockout is ridiculous. Money is very important everyone. In order to maintain profits, the owners are playing hardball with the players. The players do not want to hurt their market value by giving up money when they generate revenue. At the same time, the forgotten effects are hardly mentioned by the media. The livelihoods of those who depend on professional sports in order to support themselves as well as their families are being sacrificed because the elitists are griping about small percentages. The trickle-down effect? Professional sports is a good example as to how and why Reaganomics does not work. The top garner all the money and the people on the bottom, who do most of the work, receive the least. I would expand but in the coming months, I'm sure I'll rant and rave some more.
RIP Steve Jobs. The good and bad he brought to the technological world have changed the future in so many ways.
Life is good. Time to workout and study.
The weather has gone from unseasonably cold to unseasonably warm. I have been enjoying it before the warmth hibernates for months. This winter is supposedly going to be freezing. The farmers are usually right, but I'm hoping they're wrong this time. Warm weather was torturous this summer, but it's better than shivering uncontrollably with layers of clothes on.
This #OccupyWallStreet business has been slowly blowing up the media. For politicians, it's hot potato because supporting or decrying it brings criticism for either being anti-populist or pro-corporate. It's the dualistic nature of a deomcratic republic and a capitalist economy. With globalization becoming a more distinguished facet of people's lives, it's getting harder for society to find a balance for its people, the economy, and the government. Everywhere around the world, economies are suffering, governments are being criticized, and people are upset. Maybe Marx and Engles weren't too far off? Time will tell.
The NBA lockout is ridiculous. Money is very important everyone. In order to maintain profits, the owners are playing hardball with the players. The players do not want to hurt their market value by giving up money when they generate revenue. At the same time, the forgotten effects are hardly mentioned by the media. The livelihoods of those who depend on professional sports in order to support themselves as well as their families are being sacrificed because the elitists are griping about small percentages. The trickle-down effect? Professional sports is a good example as to how and why Reaganomics does not work. The top garner all the money and the people on the bottom, who do most of the work, receive the least. I would expand but in the coming months, I'm sure I'll rant and rave some more.
RIP Steve Jobs. The good and bad he brought to the technological world have changed the future in so many ways.
Life is good. Time to workout and study.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Summertime
I've been pretty lazy about blogging. Whoops. It's been over a year since I started this blog. With the endless amount of free time, I've become too busy to update this once in awhile. Summer's come and gone in a matter of seconds. I forgot about the music challenge, which I'll finish eventually (probably not).
This summer I did almost everything I've wanted to do in the past. Although I didn't get to play the guitar or finish my reading list, I consider this summer as one of the most memorable. I got back into shape, I quit smoking cigarettes, I volunteered, I started to go to church again, I played a lot of basketball, I started running, and I bet a bunch of new people. I even went on a road trip to Memphis and New Orleans. Beale St and Bourbon St have to be one of the best streets I've been to in this country.
With only 18 days of summer left, there's still much to do. I'm going to New York City and then Boston. I have to move into my next apartment. I have to move out of my old apartment. I want to hang out with friends before the next semester starts. It's been a long summer. I started to get homesick more and more. But I realized this summer that this is the last summer I can spend doing these things. After school's done, it's the rest of my life. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
30 Day Song Challenge [Part 1]
The Miami Heat lost, the Mavs won their first Larry O'Brien Trophy, and Lebron is still a bitch. All is well in the world. But in all seriousness, I'm already sick and tired of people bashing on Lebron James. EVERYONE has an opinion; whereas at the same time last year, no one really had anything to say about basketball. I guess David Stern got what he wanted, but this is going to be a giant headache after people realize this might be the last basketball we see in 2011.
Generally, I do not like self-absorbed, egotistic, condescending, (insert clever word describing Lebron's personality), woe-is-me personalities which makes the outcome of Game 6 all the more gratifying. As Lebron approached Bosh after time expired, Bosh did not move while Lebron embraced him. I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but Bosh has become the martyr for the Big Three dynasty as he receives the largest amount of criticism and least amount of praise. During the playoffs, he provided consistent offense and clutch defense. Sure, Wade and Lebron had the most points, but they also took about three times as many shots combined than Bosh did. He obviously did not want any attention, and Miami was the perfect place. Unfortunately, he's automatically going to be apart of the three-headed scapegoat. Maybe the Bulls and the Heat can swap 4's? One can only hope.
I've always wanted to do the "30 Day Song Challenge." I don't really feel like doing it over 30 days, so I'm going to split them into different parts.
Day 01 - Your favorite song
The Beatles' "Eleanor Rigby" was song introduced to me by my music teacher from junior high. Not only did he teach me how to play piano (not really), but he introduced me to the most influential band in history. I have no idea how I didn't listen to them while I lived in Chicago.
Day 02 - Your least favorite song
I hate any song by Ke$ha, specifically "Blow" because that song blows and it makes me want to go insane..
Day 03 - A song that makes you happy
"Make Noise" by Audiodax is a song that always makes me happy. I'm not really sure why, but it does.
Day 04 - A song that makes you sad
I'm sure that there are songs that are sadder, but this is one that comes straight from the top of my head. The peaceful melody combined with the well-written lyrics in "So Sick" makes this ballad sadder than it needs to be. It's good, but it doesn't exactly make one jump for joy.
Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone
For about 3 years I had "Hey Mama" as the song to let me know my mom was calling me. When Kanye was once sane, he made music that was easy to listen to because creativity comes quick if you're easily inspired.
I guess I have to blog again within the next 4 days to finish the challenge. And here we go..
Generally, I do not like self-absorbed, egotistic, condescending, (insert clever word describing Lebron's personality), woe-is-me personalities which makes the outcome of Game 6 all the more gratifying. As Lebron approached Bosh after time expired, Bosh did not move while Lebron embraced him. I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but Bosh has become the martyr for the Big Three dynasty as he receives the largest amount of criticism and least amount of praise. During the playoffs, he provided consistent offense and clutch defense. Sure, Wade and Lebron had the most points, but they also took about three times as many shots combined than Bosh did. He obviously did not want any attention, and Miami was the perfect place. Unfortunately, he's automatically going to be apart of the three-headed scapegoat. Maybe the Bulls and the Heat can swap 4's? One can only hope.
I've always wanted to do the "30 Day Song Challenge." I don't really feel like doing it over 30 days, so I'm going to split them into different parts.
Day 01 - Your favorite song
The Beatles' "Eleanor Rigby" was song introduced to me by my music teacher from junior high. Not only did he teach me how to play piano (not really), but he introduced me to the most influential band in history. I have no idea how I didn't listen to them while I lived in Chicago.
Day 02 - Your least favorite song
I hate any song by Ke$ha, specifically "Blow" because that song blows and it makes me want to go insane..
Day 03 - A song that makes you happy
"Make Noise" by Audiodax is a song that always makes me happy. I'm not really sure why, but it does.
Day 04 - A song that makes you sad
I'm sure that there are songs that are sadder, but this is one that comes straight from the top of my head. The peaceful melody combined with the well-written lyrics in "So Sick" makes this ballad sadder than it needs to be. It's good, but it doesn't exactly make one jump for joy.
Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone
For about 3 years I had "Hey Mama" as the song to let me know my mom was calling me. When Kanye was once sane, he made music that was easy to listen to because creativity comes quick if you're easily inspired.
I guess I have to blog again within the next 4 days to finish the challenge. And here we go..
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Shufflin'
For the past week and moreso in the last 24 hours, I've been obsessing over LMFAO's "Party Rock Anthem."
So naturally, I got the urge to learn how to shuffle.
Soon, I'm going to be playing my guitar while shuffling in my next music video (half-joking).
If I keep this up, I'll become an expert!
So naturally, I got the urge to learn how to shuffle.
Soon, I'm going to be playing my guitar while shuffling in my next music video (half-joking).
If I keep this up, I'll become an expert!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sponges and Loofahs as Uniforms
It's been 17 days since my semester ended. During those 17 days I've tried to collect myself together and figure out what to do the rest of the summer and thereafter. Watching my peers graduate without me made me bitter, lonely, depressed, happy, and ecstatic. The amalgam of feelings resurrected me.
For the past 6 or 7 months, I thought and thought and thought. I tried to be practical and come up with a solution as to how and why there was any direction in anything that existed. I fixed myself in a pensive position as the world moved past me. I slept during classes, hung out with friends, played basketball, and whatever else I usually did. I even blogged occasionally. But at the same time I was searching for an answer to a question I didn't even ask yet. A trip to PCB revealed a glimpse of what I was looking for. I appreciated the aesthetics and momentarily moved away from pragmatism. I looked out into the Gulf of Mexico, took a deep breath, and then closed my eyes.
"Life: The Never-ending Journey into the Unknown." Having unanswered questions wash away with the waves and then return crashing with the waves became simple. As the tide pulls the water away from between your toes, you remain momentarily above the sand. Problems return to the ocean as your feet begin to dry. But the tide will return eventually, as will the problems. The cycle of moisturizing and evaporating never ends. Problems are always going to be there just like water (fingers crossed). Escaping the waves doesn't mean the waves don't exist. The waves remain there, but the feet become dry. It's a shitty metaphor but it was a start.
The past semester was by far the WORST and HARDEST time of my life. I felt like I was in a different country all by myself. Even though I was in the company of my closest friends, I still felt like Robinson Crusoe. My problems started confounding and -just like the economy- the downward spiral continued. I continued to plummet into new rock bottoms so often that life was giving me the People's Eye. I often told myself, "You're finally at rock bottom now." Only to find myself in a new hole. I lost all hope. My youthful optimism that invigorated me up every day disappeared. I was in the middle of my own Dust Bowl.
Seventeen days ago, I found myself depressed. It was normal as I had already realized the lingering condition following me everywhere I went. It didn't help that I was celebrating my friends graduating and moving on. I felt like I was being left in the dust. Feeling alone while not actually being alone is probably one of the worst feelings ever. I found no joy in anything. Everything started to become sepia-toned then black and white. I found myself in Pleasantville.
I'm not really sure what happened, but I snapped out of it. Life is in color. I can't describe problems with a complex/simple metaphor using the beach. The genuine happiness I had for my friends being overwhelmed by my depression is stupid and a waste of time. My youthful optimism had not returned, but instead a matured optimism with a sense of realism. It's been about two weeks and I feel better than ever. My problems are still there, but I'm dealing with it better than I did 17 days ago.
I tried searching for answer to a problem and instead ended with nothing but wasting time. For example, I had trouble discerning between confidence and cockiness. I admire one and despise the other. Exuding confidence displays positive effects that tend to rub off on other people; exuding cockiness tends to rub people off the other way. (Yes, pun intended haha.) I wanted to be confident without being called cocky; I wanted to be humble like Rose, but not narcissistic like Lebron. Being called cocky is offensive. Retorts like "I call it confidence" or "psh, I ain't cocky" automatically places a negative label over you. MJ (both) was confident as well as cocky. He was the greatest to ever play (and sing), but no one had any qualms with their demeanor. Blah blah blah. What's the point in caring? It's a waste of time to be self-serving, self-conscious, and selfish when there are greater problems in Joplin and other places around the world.
I can't sleep at night sometimes because of how excited I am to wake up the next morning. I haven't felt so alive in a long time. It feels like I went from greaser to jock to greaser.
I think I've watched one too many seasons of Scrubs in the past few days. But I have no regrets. It's entertaining and gets me thinking about life. I find it uncanny that I have the same quirky features as JD, a fictional character who has a inner monologue that is childishly amusing and realistically wise. Meh. It really doesn't matter since it's just a TV show.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow! Sucks that my brother's leaving for Boston already. Oh well, such is life
For the past 6 or 7 months, I thought and thought and thought. I tried to be practical and come up with a solution as to how and why there was any direction in anything that existed. I fixed myself in a pensive position as the world moved past me. I slept during classes, hung out with friends, played basketball, and whatever else I usually did. I even blogged occasionally. But at the same time I was searching for an answer to a question I didn't even ask yet. A trip to PCB revealed a glimpse of what I was looking for. I appreciated the aesthetics and momentarily moved away from pragmatism. I looked out into the Gulf of Mexico, took a deep breath, and then closed my eyes.
"Life: The Never-ending Journey into the Unknown." Having unanswered questions wash away with the waves and then return crashing with the waves became simple. As the tide pulls the water away from between your toes, you remain momentarily above the sand. Problems return to the ocean as your feet begin to dry. But the tide will return eventually, as will the problems. The cycle of moisturizing and evaporating never ends. Problems are always going to be there just like water (fingers crossed). Escaping the waves doesn't mean the waves don't exist. The waves remain there, but the feet become dry. It's a shitty metaphor but it was a start.
The past semester was by far the WORST and HARDEST time of my life. I felt like I was in a different country all by myself. Even though I was in the company of my closest friends, I still felt like Robinson Crusoe. My problems started confounding and -just like the economy- the downward spiral continued. I continued to plummet into new rock bottoms so often that life was giving me the People's Eye. I often told myself, "You're finally at rock bottom now." Only to find myself in a new hole. I lost all hope. My youthful optimism that invigorated me up every day disappeared. I was in the middle of my own Dust Bowl.
Seventeen days ago, I found myself depressed. It was normal as I had already realized the lingering condition following me everywhere I went. It didn't help that I was celebrating my friends graduating and moving on. I felt like I was being left in the dust. Feeling alone while not actually being alone is probably one of the worst feelings ever. I found no joy in anything. Everything started to become sepia-toned then black and white. I found myself in Pleasantville.
I'm not really sure what happened, but I snapped out of it. Life is in color. I can't describe problems with a complex/simple metaphor using the beach. The genuine happiness I had for my friends being overwhelmed by my depression is stupid and a waste of time. My youthful optimism had not returned, but instead a matured optimism with a sense of realism. It's been about two weeks and I feel better than ever. My problems are still there, but I'm dealing with it better than I did 17 days ago.
I tried searching for answer to a problem and instead ended with nothing but wasting time. For example, I had trouble discerning between confidence and cockiness. I admire one and despise the other. Exuding confidence displays positive effects that tend to rub off on other people; exuding cockiness tends to rub people off the other way. (Yes, pun intended haha.) I wanted to be confident without being called cocky; I wanted to be humble like Rose, but not narcissistic like Lebron. Being called cocky is offensive. Retorts like "I call it confidence" or "psh, I ain't cocky" automatically places a negative label over you. MJ (both) was confident as well as cocky. He was the greatest to ever play (and sing), but no one had any qualms with their demeanor. Blah blah blah. What's the point in caring? It's a waste of time to be self-serving, self-conscious, and selfish when there are greater problems in Joplin and other places around the world.
I can't sleep at night sometimes because of how excited I am to wake up the next morning. I haven't felt so alive in a long time. It feels like I went from greaser to jock to greaser.
I think I've watched one too many seasons of Scrubs in the past few days. But I have no regrets. It's entertaining and gets me thinking about life. I find it uncanny that I have the same quirky features as JD, a fictional character who has a inner monologue that is childishly amusing and realistically wise. Meh. It really doesn't matter since it's just a TV show.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow! Sucks that my brother's leaving for Boston already. Oh well, such is life
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)