Tuesday, October 12, 2010

-Untitled-

In the last 36 hours, I have been obsessing with this one show which I refuse to ever mention outside my apartment. Why? It is too eerily what I seek in life. The excitement, the danger, the unknown, the surprise, and the beauty that have trapped me to my computer. Mindlessly absorbed in fiction I cannot break the habit.

And then it happened. I fall asleep and I become the hero. Traveling around the world while simultaneously saving it. Running after terrorists in the streets of Vienna. Coming across the scent of violet which resonates from the flowers found everywhere but Illinois. Stopping a nuclear bomb from exploding and saving thousands of lives. Walking in the gym without anyone ever finding out what had occurred.

I wake up and I find myself in a familiar setting. I'm around the friends I've always had and the friends I've just made. I go to all of my classes - even my biochemistry class that I dread. I make myself a huge meal. Friends visit on the weekend. An old friend walks in. We catch up and talk about what we've missed out on. I even bring up the lucid dream I recently had. We continue to talk and eventually it comes up. It's not something I used to feel comfortable talking about, but why does it matter? It's been years and its relevance doesn't affect our lives at this point. We reconcile. Something stupid had eventually snowballed into something big. That snowball had just been crushed to reveal that nothing had started it. A mistake had just been fixed.

I rarely regret things in life and never consider them as mistakes. To fix them, I distract myself with friends, family, and booze. So I guess that really isn't fixing anything, but it sure does beat out feeling any regret. Years pass and the regret that overcomes me forces me to face my mistake. I can either learn from the mistake and live without making anymore mistakes, or I can try to undo the mistake with the help of my time machine! (kidding) By facing our demons, we undo time. The mistake is corrected. The end.

And then I wake up. (OMG! It's a double rainbow - er, dream...) That was some Inception bullshit. No people saved from nuclear bombs. No Mediterranean meals. No reconciliation. Same old reality. I have never felt so comfortable with a dream, only to have life feel like it rewinded. Double dreams, touche. I blame my subconscious for letting stupid people inside my brain. We need to beef up the security!

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