Limitless was an intense movie. It felt like I was rolling, tripping, freaking out, flying, chilling, or any of those euphoric feelings from drugs all at once. There was information being fed to the ears while so much was moving visually. Or maybe I just couldn't keep up with the plot. heh. Bradley Cooper did a good job of portraying different personas for one character. He looked like a crackhead and a speeddemon all in the same movie without making it seem like he was ever sober.
I just started listening to Ian Axel's This Is The New Year album. Pretty upbeat with a retro feel. The Strokes, Jack Johnson, and Blink 182 all playing in one band. Well, not that great. But that's the closest I can describe it.
I hung out with the old crew. Some things change, some things don't. I talked to a friend about getting tattoos. We're looking to get some during the summer. At one point we realized that we're 22 years young. A distant 17 years old seemed like ages ago. It seemed like time flew by while at the same time it seemed like time was moving slowly. It was a crazy feeling to realize that we just aged. Even though we knew we were still young, we felt as though time had effortlessly turned forward.
I realized the motivation, the drive, the dreams that drove me during high school. It sucks being out of shape, a shell of my former self. Basketball has never been more fun. New basketball shoes? Hopefully soon. (Wow, the song "The Music That Haunts This Town" has a Beethoven feel to it. I didn't even realize it was a classical song.) Being home I realized how great my mom's cooking is. She made bibimbap (mixed rice with vegetables) the first night I was home. Then she made kalbi (Korean bbq ribs) the next. Sushi maki rolls. Bibim-nengmyun (spicy buckwheat noodles). Fresh strawberries. Korean pears. Fuji apples. Samgyetang (Korean chicken soup). Asparagus. There's been so much food I feel like I'm in heaven!
I feel like I've caught up with sleep after going sleep-deprived for weeks. Sleep is good. Being sick during spring break has been pretty fun so far.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Life Goes On
A lake gets polluted with sewage water. The city tries to clean the water but the amount of sewage spreading throughout the lake spreads at a faster rate than the rate that the lake is cleaned. A solution could be increasing the number of people cleaning in order to get the lake clean. Another solution could be to cut off sewage waste from seeping into the lake by diverting such routes to a landfill. Another solution could be to fix the sewage system so that the waste becomes purified and re-used so that waste is efficiently used. Or why not reduce waste?
It's the ignorant that I despise. Regardless of whether or not the said person was Asian or Black or Latino or whatever, it's pretty amazing how dumb people can be at times.
As the global population continues to exponentially explode throughout the globe, it's going to be hard to change the ignorance that comes along the accelerated rate.
Sometimes, I find it amusing how my roommate says the same kind of things but always starts with something like "I'm not racist or anything, but.." or "No offense to you, but.." or even "Do you feel the same way when.." or "Herropreases". Yeah, I accept the ignorance because it's hard to tell people to accept others for the way they are, even if they are rude by answering cell phones in libraries. On paper, everyone lives happily ever after without any bad things going on. But we don't live on paper, and life goes on..
(This post is in no way serious as it is amusing. Procrastinating to resume concentration.)
It's the ignorant that I despise. Regardless of whether or not the said person was Asian or Black or Latino or whatever, it's pretty amazing how dumb people can be at times.
As the global population continues to exponentially explode throughout the globe, it's going to be hard to change the ignorance that comes along the accelerated rate.
Sometimes, I find it amusing how my roommate says the same kind of things but always starts with something like "I'm not racist or anything, but.." or "No offense to you, but.." or even "Do you feel the same way when.." or "Herropreases". Yeah, I accept the ignorance because it's hard to tell people to accept others for the way they are, even if they are rude by answering cell phones in libraries. On paper, everyone lives happily ever after without any bad things going on. But we don't live on paper, and life goes on..
(This post is in no way serious as it is amusing. Procrastinating to resume concentration.)
Friday, March 11, 2011
Another Checkpoint: Me
I'm coming off the worst day of my life. Ever. The events have unfolded in such a way that I have never been so screwed before. My professor hates me and refuses to help me unless I have something complete to show him. Problem is that I don't have the slightest idea what to do because many of the questions I have requires him telling me what to do rather than telling me what I should be thinking about. I went into see my advisor and she told me that not only am I not graduating this semester, but the major I thought I was doing is not what I'm doing. I need one more class to graduate, and the degree I thought I was seeking is ranked one of the hardest in the university. The degree I would graduate with is by far one of the easiest degrees in the university as it is part of the easy Pre-Med majors that I despise. I just wasted 3 and a half years to come so close to fall very deep. On top of all of this, I have a sickness that doesn't seem like is going away and I'm in between a rock and a hard place. The past 2 hours seem like 127 hours have just passed by. I just sat in the Courtyard for an hour reflecting about the past year, the past two years, the past three years, the past life.
In an uncanny way, I am totally fine with all of this. Much of what has happened thus far is my fault. I can't blame anyone because I put myself in this situation. I complain because I have no other outlet of expressing my frustration. During my reflection, I thought about things that mattered and things that don't matter.
Up to this point in my life, I have surrounded myself with people I think are friends while claiming to be an independent person. The act alone is hypocritical because an independent person does not need the amount of acquaintances that I have met. Although I do have a great passion for caring about others, it doesn't translate into my personal life. I tend to the stranger more than I do to friends. I think the root of this is probably because of the lack of consistent friends due to the numerous times I have moved from home to home and from school to school. I simply have no idea how to be a great friend, but I try to be the Good Samaritan regardless of the situation I'm in. I should apologize to my closest friends for being so translucent. I realize now that I did not intend to be an asshole when I meant to be a friend. Most of those situations were in the past, but have molded the relationships I currently have.
I have no idea how to explain how vivid my memory is. I can recall things from the past in a picture perfect way. In 2nd grade, the first time I ever experienced sunny rain was while I was walking back by myself towards the daycare center. I looked up and didn't see a cloud in sight. Perplexed, I asked the teachers what was going on. They had no idea, but I tried to fill in the blank by making guesses. To this day, I still have no idea why it rains without a cloud in sight. Maybe it was a giant sprinkler that flew by? Regardless, my memory fails me as often as a coin flip does. (No one has a perfect memory.)
I wonder why things happen in life, but it usually takes months or years for me to really understand what had occurred. Sometimes I feel regret; other times I am relieved. At this point I feel a little bit of both. My biggest regret is lying to myself and that is also my biggest relief. I hope from this point forward I stop lying to myself and live with the truth. I used to consider myself an honest person. There were times I was, but many times I wasn't. Reminds me of Jim Carrey in Liar Liar at the end of the movie.
My mom thinks I'm the best liar out there because she can never tell when I tell her the truth or a lie. It's probably because I conditioned myself to believe whatever lies I was about to spit out. The source of that lies with my mom. When my parents were going through a nasty divorce, the kind that people see in movies, my brother and I only relied on each other. At that point, I only cared for my brother and neither of my parents. Why? My mom was delusional and did not believe the accusations my dad made. My dad was delusional and did not believe the accusations my mom made. In turn, the two of the most stubborn people I have ever made turned to me as the mediator at the ripe age of nine.
I simply do not understand the lack of logic. How does a nine year old cope with such things? At that time, I felt like I could tackle the issue in order to protect the brother I love. I was the hero in the many Disney movies my brother and I watched together. I was the Tommy, the Green/White Ranger. I was the hero who could save the day. I did everything my parents asked of me. I became very neutral and unbiased because I thought I loved both parents equally. No one knew. That was my darkest, deepest secret. I believe that's why my life has shaped into the way it has because of what I did at such a young age. I consider myself very neutral at many things; I look at both sides before making an established opinion; I have trouble picking what to eat whenever I go to restaurants.
My parents' problems became my problem. I tried my best to shield my brother from as much of the problem. That act defined a characteristic I believe is a big part of me. I have an undying loyalty and want to protect those who are close to me. An example would be the fact that I currently attend the university, which amazed me since I was about eleven. It was my dream school, and I completely forgot about it until now. It makes more sense why I never considered other schools except this shitty one. At this point there is nothing I can do but move forward with the problem I put myself in. I had opportunities to go to better schools, but I simply didn't consider them because in high school I for some reason always wanted to come here. Figures.
The relationship I have with my brother has come full circle. As a child, I always watched over my brother. I made sure the bullies who wanted to pick fights with him only picked fights with me. I remember coming home from playing with the neighborhood kids and having black eyes, telling my mom that I colored my eyes in. There was a certain kid who was desperately searching for my brother with a metal pole. It was pretty obvious. I told him to fight me instead and now I have a scar on my head. The kid wrongly sought to beat up my brother for things my brother never did, except for just being a certain race. Why? Growing up in poverty, you meet all sorts of people, mainly the ignorant.
Sadly, after moving to the suburbs, our relationship crashed like the Challenger. He resented me for moving us from the hectic city to the quiet suburbs. He has always been a bright student and that alone makes me very proud. He had many friends in the city, but my mom thought it would be best to move away from the city for many reasons. The main one being our future, which I was fucking up by associating myself with the wrong crowd and in turn made my grades start to slide; the other being my dad, which seems pretty stupid but had to be done for my mom's sake.
Today, things are much smoother than they have been in the past because I've aged with wisdom and realized how selfish I used to be in high school. High school - the time to conform. Although being social and trying to fit in is the norm for the average teenager, I really wished I listened to my closer friends. I understand now when one of my close friends always said to me that I was wasting my potential with the habits I had and still have. He was very perceptive and gave me his best advice. Instead, I lied to myself and told him that he was the liar, the false prophet. Even his name foretold the truth years later. At the time I just wanted to be average.
Nowadays, people keep telling me I'm a nerd when I spill out any knowledge I have amassed in the past. What I'm about to say is very condescending, but being smart doesn't mean you're a nerd and I'm very proud about how much I know (and still want to know). If you have the ability to learn, then you should learn and not flock with the masses. Generally, the average person is just average. I yearn to be more than average, better than average, not average. It doesn't bother me when people call me a nerd because I know so much information. A lot of me knowing information isn't because I study it or because I want to learn it, most of the time I just retain the information well. It was a useful skill for cramming in high school.
After today, I have never been more inspired. It took me to hit my own rock bottom in order for me to realize many things. Even the silly things. I was never a big drinker because it's liquid poison and the drunkenness is just an unnatural chemical reaction. Smoking cigarettes is literally the suffocation of the lungs. I have always liked girls in different ways. Girls I loved I would never tell; girls I didn't love I told them. Girls are my downfall because I have the ability to make a commitment and stick to that commitment. The thought of marriage is frightening because it's the rest of my life with another person. The thought of marriage is fruitful because it's the rest of my life with another person. Children are going to be a blessing and a half. Sports is an addiction that I should break. It consumes a lot of my time. But maybe that's just what passion is? Reading about history is pointless because it remains in the past. Reading about history is important because the past repeats itself. Showing emotions is weakness. Showing no emotions is weakness. Duality or equilibrium? Either way is fine with me.
For Lent, I want to become a better man, a better son, a better brother, a better citizen, a better Christian, a better student, and a better me. It's not about what I'm sacrificing; it's about what I'm changing.
In an uncanny way, I am totally fine with all of this. Much of what has happened thus far is my fault. I can't blame anyone because I put myself in this situation. I complain because I have no other outlet of expressing my frustration. During my reflection, I thought about things that mattered and things that don't matter.
Up to this point in my life, I have surrounded myself with people I think are friends while claiming to be an independent person. The act alone is hypocritical because an independent person does not need the amount of acquaintances that I have met. Although I do have a great passion for caring about others, it doesn't translate into my personal life. I tend to the stranger more than I do to friends. I think the root of this is probably because of the lack of consistent friends due to the numerous times I have moved from home to home and from school to school. I simply have no idea how to be a great friend, but I try to be the Good Samaritan regardless of the situation I'm in. I should apologize to my closest friends for being so translucent. I realize now that I did not intend to be an asshole when I meant to be a friend. Most of those situations were in the past, but have molded the relationships I currently have.
I have no idea how to explain how vivid my memory is. I can recall things from the past in a picture perfect way. In 2nd grade, the first time I ever experienced sunny rain was while I was walking back by myself towards the daycare center. I looked up and didn't see a cloud in sight. Perplexed, I asked the teachers what was going on. They had no idea, but I tried to fill in the blank by making guesses. To this day, I still have no idea why it rains without a cloud in sight. Maybe it was a giant sprinkler that flew by? Regardless, my memory fails me as often as a coin flip does. (No one has a perfect memory.)
I wonder why things happen in life, but it usually takes months or years for me to really understand what had occurred. Sometimes I feel regret; other times I am relieved. At this point I feel a little bit of both. My biggest regret is lying to myself and that is also my biggest relief. I hope from this point forward I stop lying to myself and live with the truth. I used to consider myself an honest person. There were times I was, but many times I wasn't. Reminds me of Jim Carrey in Liar Liar at the end of the movie.
My mom thinks I'm the best liar out there because she can never tell when I tell her the truth or a lie. It's probably because I conditioned myself to believe whatever lies I was about to spit out. The source of that lies with my mom. When my parents were going through a nasty divorce, the kind that people see in movies, my brother and I only relied on each other. At that point, I only cared for my brother and neither of my parents. Why? My mom was delusional and did not believe the accusations my dad made. My dad was delusional and did not believe the accusations my mom made. In turn, the two of the most stubborn people I have ever made turned to me as the mediator at the ripe age of nine.
I simply do not understand the lack of logic. How does a nine year old cope with such things? At that time, I felt like I could tackle the issue in order to protect the brother I love. I was the hero in the many Disney movies my brother and I watched together. I was the Tommy, the Green/White Ranger. I was the hero who could save the day. I did everything my parents asked of me. I became very neutral and unbiased because I thought I loved both parents equally. No one knew. That was my darkest, deepest secret. I believe that's why my life has shaped into the way it has because of what I did at such a young age. I consider myself very neutral at many things; I look at both sides before making an established opinion; I have trouble picking what to eat whenever I go to restaurants.
My parents' problems became my problem. I tried my best to shield my brother from as much of the problem. That act defined a characteristic I believe is a big part of me. I have an undying loyalty and want to protect those who are close to me. An example would be the fact that I currently attend the university, which amazed me since I was about eleven. It was my dream school, and I completely forgot about it until now. It makes more sense why I never considered other schools except this shitty one. At this point there is nothing I can do but move forward with the problem I put myself in. I had opportunities to go to better schools, but I simply didn't consider them because in high school I for some reason always wanted to come here. Figures.
The relationship I have with my brother has come full circle. As a child, I always watched over my brother. I made sure the bullies who wanted to pick fights with him only picked fights with me. I remember coming home from playing with the neighborhood kids and having black eyes, telling my mom that I colored my eyes in. There was a certain kid who was desperately searching for my brother with a metal pole. It was pretty obvious. I told him to fight me instead and now I have a scar on my head. The kid wrongly sought to beat up my brother for things my brother never did, except for just being a certain race. Why? Growing up in poverty, you meet all sorts of people, mainly the ignorant.
Sadly, after moving to the suburbs, our relationship crashed like the Challenger. He resented me for moving us from the hectic city to the quiet suburbs. He has always been a bright student and that alone makes me very proud. He had many friends in the city, but my mom thought it would be best to move away from the city for many reasons. The main one being our future, which I was fucking up by associating myself with the wrong crowd and in turn made my grades start to slide; the other being my dad, which seems pretty stupid but had to be done for my mom's sake.
Today, things are much smoother than they have been in the past because I've aged with wisdom and realized how selfish I used to be in high school. High school - the time to conform. Although being social and trying to fit in is the norm for the average teenager, I really wished I listened to my closer friends. I understand now when one of my close friends always said to me that I was wasting my potential with the habits I had and still have. He was very perceptive and gave me his best advice. Instead, I lied to myself and told him that he was the liar, the false prophet. Even his name foretold the truth years later. At the time I just wanted to be average.
Nowadays, people keep telling me I'm a nerd when I spill out any knowledge I have amassed in the past. What I'm about to say is very condescending, but being smart doesn't mean you're a nerd and I'm very proud about how much I know (and still want to know). If you have the ability to learn, then you should learn and not flock with the masses. Generally, the average person is just average. I yearn to be more than average, better than average, not average. It doesn't bother me when people call me a nerd because I know so much information. A lot of me knowing information isn't because I study it or because I want to learn it, most of the time I just retain the information well. It was a useful skill for cramming in high school.
After today, I have never been more inspired. It took me to hit my own rock bottom in order for me to realize many things. Even the silly things. I was never a big drinker because it's liquid poison and the drunkenness is just an unnatural chemical reaction. Smoking cigarettes is literally the suffocation of the lungs. I have always liked girls in different ways. Girls I loved I would never tell; girls I didn't love I told them. Girls are my downfall because I have the ability to make a commitment and stick to that commitment. The thought of marriage is frightening because it's the rest of my life with another person. The thought of marriage is fruitful because it's the rest of my life with another person. Children are going to be a blessing and a half. Sports is an addiction that I should break. It consumes a lot of my time. But maybe that's just what passion is? Reading about history is pointless because it remains in the past. Reading about history is important because the past repeats itself. Showing emotions is weakness. Showing no emotions is weakness. Duality or equilibrium? Either way is fine with me.
For Lent, I want to become a better man, a better son, a better brother, a better citizen, a better Christian, a better student, and a better me. It's not about what I'm sacrificing; it's about what I'm changing.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Checkpoint
The past month has been quite a blur. I have never been this busy but efficient in college. Lab reports cannot be blown off; homework assignments are immediately finished. Exams have not been any different than they have been in the past, but the busy-busy mentality have made studying easier. It's quite ironic that my best study habits have developed after seven grueling semesters of refining. (I just finished listening to Phantogram's Eyelid Movies - "10,000 Claps" and it fits the mood.)
Today marked the first "break" I've had in a couple weeks. Even if I didn't have school work to do, I've had to and still do worry about graduation and post-graduation. To top it off, having visitors becomes overwhelming. I am no way trying to be a hermit. Although I enjoy the company of friends, having a stampede of acquaintances parading through the streets of Chambana week after week gets troublesome. While in the midst of a career crisis, I find it troubling that friends prefer that I join them in their debauchery. In the past I would have done it in a minute, but this time I really do need my own time to reflect. I really do wish I could partake in beerfests like Unofficial, but time is precious. (Nick Drake should be praised for his album "Bryter Layter" because it's pretty relaxing. Jim Morrison meets jazz/lounge.)
The Bulls have been on a tear. 2nd place in the Eastern Conference with big wins over the Heat and the Magic, with a close loss to the Hawks in between. It's been huge for Chicago since Rose has been drafted. The hometown kid has grasped the reigns and is leading the Bulls back to prominence. Even if we fall short in the playoffs, there's a bright future ahead with Rose, Noah, and Deng reaching their primes and Boozer supplementing it with his vast experience. Beyond this year, I do see problems ahead with their roster as Rose is probably going to attain a max contract and the rest of the roster having increases in their payroll. The next viable option for a shooting guard comes either through a trade or the draft. While trading for players may seem simple, it requires a player to be on the trading block meaning that player is not wanted by their current team for obvious reasons or that we give up a king's ransom - draft picks, money, and future role players. The team chemistry is impeccable and has the potential to break the developing Super team model. Trades involving superstars, e.g. Carmelo Anthony, can negatively impact a team's future based on salary cap restrictions and horrible draft placing (increased wins mean lower draft picks). The Miami trio signing could prove to be the ultimate downfall of the NBA. It may bring in more revenue for the league, but it's at the cost of the smaller markets. Whatever hurts the smaller markets causes the luxury teams to pay for said shortcomings. It's going to be a valid argument in future collective bargaining agreement talks as the NBA heads into the lockout that the NFL's currently in. (Donald Glover, 'Troy' from the hilarious Community, has an alter ego - Childish Gambino. Not only is he an actor, but he spits out creativity in the funniest ways.)
The NFL lockout seems like a dud. Not only is it boring to hear billionaire owners argue that they don't have AS MUCH profit as before, but to hear that millionaire athletes don't have enough compensation is redundant as well. Millions of fans across the nation are following a situation that has more media coverage than the union battles occurring in key states. Bill Simmons does a great job of exploiting the issue. It's a billion dollar business which should force people to reconsider the task at hand. (Ian Axel's song makes me excited about everything.)
I probably should be working on my lab report, but I think I'm going to rid the procrastination from my body. I've been meaning to blog for weeks. I really do wish I had more time so I can expand on certain topics that I've read and interpreted. Being in college, most students focus on the social and academic aspects while shutting out the rest of the world. The world is going through dramatic changes every day. Government policies throughout the world dictate more of people's lives than they realize. (I saw a video raising awareness for deaf people and immediately liked the song played in the background.)
Focusing on the present while subsidizing the future comes with catastrophic consequences. Many of the issues that people debate over really do not focus on prevailing issues that have been present since the Enlightenment. I sit here waiting for influential writers like Rousseau, Malthus, Smith, and many others to come along and change the scope of present policies. In the pro-capitalist global market, there is no room for such needless things as long as corporations benefit at the cost of the proletariat. How silly of me, what I meant to say was that in capitalist economies the rich get richer because the poor get poorer. With money comes power, and so inevitably the control of current government. Even the Vatican falls under this category. Because Americans always hope for the best and hope to turn into the next feel good rags-to-riches story, a false sense of security defeats the innate logic embedded in people's brains. (Akon's new (or old) single makes you want to drink the night away.)
The last thought I'd like to leave off before I blog in the near future starts with the article I just read. It talks about possible downfalls of society. While the argument is valid, it doesn't mean people should run around in fear. There's always the case that some miraculous turn of events like that of the Enlightment, the Industrial Revolution, and the Technological Revolution will change the course of history. But the article hits the point as it comes back to the present and tackles the issue of the current crisis throughout the world - war. Much of them are fighting for the democratic freedom that the US imposed upon Iraq and Afghanistan. Since the US is a global power, many countries are quick to bite their tongue. (I'm a HUGE Wiz Khalifa fan and this song doesn't fail.)
Looking beyond the reasons of why we went to war, people should look at the economics of entering war. Trillions of dollars spent, billions of dollars given back to the rich, and trillions of dollars in debt. If I'm not mistaken, the Great Depression occurred as result of the massive credit given out to the general population. It's quite debatable, but World War II lifted the economy while tax rates were at an all time high (about 66%). The (anti-)parallel drawn is the Great Recession occurring DURING the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. True democracy still hasn't been established; millions of people are still debating about the spending budget. As a result, public unions, education, and social programs are at risk to be cut all because the nation did not properly fund the wars. It's quite ironic to have borrowed a ton of money from the government, return a comparable sum to a select group, and skew political rhetoric for lobbyist agendas. It becomes a no brainer when thinking of such issues. (Rihanna's popularity continues to soar. This single really makes people want to dance!)
My next few posts will scratch the surface and reveal much more to the naked eye. The Great Depression vs The Great Recession will be the main argument. Before I delved into the topic, I lied in the center slightly leaning towards the upper left. Much of what I've learned has removed from the political spectrum and onto a different map - the humane spectrum. I've never really had any aspirations with this blog other than to inform my future self of thoughts I might forget months or years from now. Now, I hope that these concrete thoughts will develop me (or readers) into better, smarter people. Until then, on to the next checkpoint.
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