Ultimatum

The sun came up awhile ago. The garbage trucks have picked up the usual. The sound of the buses have returned. The birds chirp once again. The dumb dog who barks at everything is outside taking its daily poop. The aroma released from the brown juice pulls all that is groggy toward it. The shower steams up the bathroom. A typical monday morning.. Oh wait, I haven't slept yet.

Insomnia. I haven't had insomnia for little over a week now. Same reasons, different time. I have no regrets about the past weeks. Although I managed to get nothing done, I find myself in a better position than I was 72 hours ago. I guess I need something intense in my life for me to realize certain things.

I am currently reading a short novel by Allen Carr. It's to prevent me from smoking. Although I have had the occasional light from here to there, I do in fact intend to quit smoking. I want to live a longer, healthier lifestyle. It's teaching me all sorts about being fearless during the process. I am starting to have a better understanding of fear.

Fear. Many scientists believe that a natural bodily reaction known as fight or flight gives a reasonable explanation for bravery and cowardice. Carr suggests that millions continue to smoke because they fear the lifestyle without nicotine. An example of mind over matter, the strength of the human mind and body. To simply rid yourself of an addiction seems absurd, but it gives hope. A lot of the fear becomes quelled after learning of the hope that can be carried on into the future. It may sound pretty redundant, but it's a fascinating concept. Everyone hears of the stories about those who overcome the most terrifying scenarios, but how could they have without any hope? Fear and hope are juxtaposed as much as right and wrong.

Now, I sit in bed, waiting for class to begin. Sleeping at this point is useless because I have not been this awake for several days. The exhaustion piled up and hit its max after the Bears lost to the fucking Packers 21-14. I was hoping Hanie would take it downfield and tie the game. I applaud the Bears for such a great season. As Cubs fans everywhere say, "There's always next year".

Worrying. I think my insomnia is a result of my knack for worrying, which I inherited from my mom. I am worried about my future. I want to do well. I want to be successful. I want to provide for my family. I want to make sure my kids don't live the same life as me. I want the world to be a better place once I retire. These are the same goals I have had since middle school.

This chubby kid from the city is slowly making his way onto the real world. With no nepotism at my disposal, I really am on my own. But, I realize now that the position I am in is the one I have craved the most. I chose science over business to further challenge myself with the uncertainties that come along with chemistry. After four years, irony could not have been a better world. I loved to do chemistry only because I knew there was an answer for EVERY question. I hated business because of the uncertainty that comes along with pursuing a life revolving around money. At this point, I am beyond overwhelmed. I do not know where my life is headed in the next five years. Whether it be the military, the government, school, hospitals, or even banks, I have not committed to anything beyond graduation.

Knowing. There comes a price for the insatiable thirst for knowledge. Every question has an answer. Rhetorical questions? Sarcasm? Really? I have been obsessed with knowing every detail about everything my entire life. The habit of becoming a know-it-all temporarily died until I came to college. Keeping my mouth shut about things that might make seem nerdy or geeky became a huge habit during high school. Coming to college, knowing many things becomes impressive to some and cocky to others. I carried the confidence that I could learn anything. I wanted to retain things so that the next time anyone had any qualms about history (or whatever) I would be there to answer. I try to squelch myself from time to time, but I only manage to find myself knowing that I brought up a bunch of random, useless information.

I washed my face and looked myself in the mirror. I have slowly come to realize that I do not in fact enjoy the lifestyle that I have become so heavily entrenched in. I do not enjoy ruining the equilibrium of the day. The nights become days and the days become night. The lights become brighter, the sounds become more intense. However, I do enjoy the ride. That is my ultimate downfall.

Jonah. I prayed for the first time in years. Hopefully it won't be my last time. I am still mixed about it, but I do not regret what has transpired. The path that is unforeseen..

Letter. Amidst all the binging, common themes come up. The stereotypical crazy partying scene from Garden State comes to mind most of the time. A majority of the time has been spent like that. The few intense thoughts that come to mind have popped up. I talked about it with certain people and it was pretty enjoyable just talking about it. Much of what I write on this blog does not even scratch the surface of what truly goes on inside. Luck, coincidence, fate. Those words mean nothing to me except that things happen (regardless of a higher meaning). After much thinking, I have decided to move forward after writing it all down in pen(cil).

Dang, it still sucks being wide awake.

Next page!

Casino Night

"Ka-Me-Ha-Me-Ha!" Every (Asian) child growing up during the late 80's and early 90's knows the phrase that made a dimwitted monkey child famous. A boy who collects 7 different pieces to make a wish. It seems pretty innocent.



'Dragonball: Evolution' butchered it all. I was channel surfing and came across the single star movie. Chow Yun Fat plays Muten Roshi, James Marsters plays Piccolo, Emmy Rossum plays Bulma, and ... Justin Chatwin plays Goku?!



There was some uproar over the cast selection, but I think they did a good job. Well, I guess if people never saw or heard of Dragonball, or know what real acting is like.. But Chatwin and Rossum have made up for their terrible performances in the new show 'Shameless'. The show is about a dysfuncional family with Rossum as the oldest sister/mom and Chatwin as the guy who chases after her. So far, so good. But to go back on track, Jamie Chung starred as Chi Chi in the live action movie. She must be a random Asian girl filling in for Goku's crush, right? Nope. She's starring in the most anticipated movie coming out this summer as Stu's fiance?!



Holy crap! What a transition from Heather Graham. No offense to her, but it's a huge switch with the movie taking place in Thailand, with Liam Neeson rumored to be a tattoo artist. Even Bill Clinton, the former president of the U.S., is making a cameo in the sequel. I hope Ed Helms doesn't fail to live up to the hype.



I enjoy watching The Office a lot. Andy Bernard's character was one of the most unique additions to the show. I would say the biggest loss had to be Karen. But I guess she had to leave in order for Jim and Pam to ever get together in their love story. I guess.



There have been some murmur in the news about Ricky Gervais, one of the original creators of the Office. I guess he shat on Hollywood at the Golden Globes this year and now has no intention of returning as the host. What a badass!



In other news, a recent study showed that alcohol ruins marriages. I guess we study things to re-affirm what we already know. Other times, not so much though. Smoking kills! But not as much as the government can! Why would you downsize police in a dangerous city? Slowly, we're setting up measures to keep the peace. I'm glad that people are able to learn from history and move forward with the bright future ahead of us!

I can't wait to go on vacation! The glass pyramid at the Louvre awaits.

Spacing Out

Sit back. Absorb the lights. Roll with the music.



With my last winter break almost over, there's a surreal aura creeping up over me. I felt time crunch me in all directions. One day was the past reminding myself of the future to come, all within the present.



I'm going to try my best to rid myself of what has held me back. I'm not a big believer of "Feel Good" books, but so far this book has been pretty inspirational.



The man smoked about 3 to 5 packs of cigarettes every day. He ended up quitting because his wife took him to a hypnotherapist. He found the motivation to quit smoking and continued that lifestyle by helping others (with a success rate of 95%). Most of the book inspires the motivation for others to stop smoking, but what gets to me most is that he quit his accounting job to pursue what he really wanted to do in life - rid the world of smoking. Although he passed on (ironically, due to lung cancer), his book and clinic have left a legacy that will always continue to battle the evil in this world.



In the midst of tragedy, things may seem more or less important than before. History is constantly repeating itself. Revolution? Not so much. It doesn't hurt to kick back and relax every once in awhile.



Things I want at the moment: Piracetam, Choline Citrate, new basketball shoes - KD?, protein, creatine, new (old) hairstyle, and a SLR camera.

Damn.

Mixology Certificiation

Like all great shows, they eventually get canceled. I can't believe Community is on the list of shows that might get cut due to stupid people! Arrested Development finished after three seasons, I hope Community doesn't follow the same fate.



I just finished watching an episode 'Mixology Certification' which was pretty funny. Troy's birthday was created, destroyed, and fixed simultaneously within 20 minutes. Amazing. Pierce is the delusional fellow who although being independent eventually succumbs and asks for help. Shirley lives a lifestyle that may seem perfect to others, but secrets of alcohol abuse appear on the walls of the Ballroom. Annie sneaks in and momentarily becomes someone less uptight. Abed as usual becomes consumed by his vast knowledge of everything. The tension between Britta and Jeff comes to a conclusion after drinks and realizing they were talking about the same place. Crazy coincidences.



Epiphany. Everyone gets at least one in their lifetime. Just like puberty, people get them at different times. It doesn't follow any variables, but unexpectedly occurs.



What's that random picture? A triptych painted during the Renaissance. An ode to the Epiphany! T-Pain isn't that bad of an artist either. He has good beats, good flow, and autotune! (Sorry Jay-Z.)



'Mixology' didn't disappoint. Community, usually filled with some allusions, touched up on common experiences that everyone goes through. Troy found himself amazed by the new lifestyle, while Annie was overwhelmed by it. Abed drifted into his own world, while Shirley drifted away from her old world. Jeff and Britta clashed with each other, while Pierce clashed with his inefficient chair. (Don't know about other people, but I think Annie and Britta are hot!)



I'm a fan of allegories and allusions, but wow. That episode was eerily close to what I'm slowly learning. (Future Me, take note if this is really an epiphany.) I realized that most of the people who know me don't actually know me. Sure, I indulge in everything that most people my age do, but I don't think I have anything too much in common with them. The college atmosphere is a very 'in the moment' experience. I'm not saying it's a bad lifestyle. It's pretty fun, but also pretty shallow.



I had a conversation with a friend about art museums. I was surprised that she was surprised that I appreciate things besides beer and movies. Knowing someone for years doesn't guarantee much. It hit me that I actually enjoy culture. Not just food and people, but art and music. Many people stop by art museums and think one visit is good enough to see the whole museum. I've only been to the art museum several times, but I always want to go back and look for things I may have missed the previous time.

The sound of the oboe, clarinet, violin, and piano strike me differently than guitars, bass, drums, and synthesizers do. It doesn't mean I prefer more one instrument more than the other. I enjoy whatever I believe sounds good. I just think that the average person my age tends not to even consider anything before the 20th century as enjoyable. I'm by no means an artsy fartsy kind of guy who only likes art and classical music. But if the opportunity came up, I wouldn't deny the offer.



It doesn't offend me if someone looks at me bizarrely when they find out that I like random things like art. I'm comfortable with myself knowing that I choose to like things independent of others' opinions. It used to be more of a matter of revealing it. Now, I have no problem if anyone finds out because I fully believe that everyone's entitled to their own opinion and tastes. After three and a half years in college, I'm getting closer to understanding my own identity. What an epiphany!

Auld Lang Syne

Happy New Year!



2010 was a long year. The election was the usual politics in DC. A bunch of empty promises and lies from both sides. The economy was slowly recovering, slipped, slowly recovered. Unemployment pretty much stayed the same. The Cubs didn't win the World Series, we'll get it next year! The Bulls made the playoffs at .500. The Bears, as predicted, finished better than 10-6 (11-5) and won the NFC North as well as the 2nd seed. Dubstep and HipTronik are surging.



Personally, I went through many ups and downs. I still don't freaking know what I want to do after college. The most lucrative options seem appealing, but boring. The most passionate options seem appealing, but for how long? New year, new degree, new career. Maybe I should look into becoming president...?



The 112th group is now in session. My prediction for this year is that nothing will get done and everything that is done will be for political leverage. We're electing a bunch of rich people to debate about nothing. Even debates about debates are going to be prolonged.. Why can't we form more than 2 parties? Split the progressives from the liberals, the Tea Party from the conservatives. Competition breeds the best. Having two parties should give us better presidents than Obama, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Carter, Reagan, Ford, and Nixon.. Obama is weak, Bush Jr. is stupid, Clinton is horny, Bush Sr. is misguided, Carter is stubborn, Reagan is fake, Ford is boring, and Nixon is a crook. Good job America.



The Bears will face the Saints at Soldier Field, beat them and then face the Falcons. If they beat them, they're going to play the Patriots in Dallas. I'm hoping they make a run and don't disappoint like in '06. Hester-mania!



The Bulls are going to limp into the playoffs as the 4th seed and rock the Knicks, but lose to the Magic. Magic vs Heat for the East. The Lakers are slipping up a bit, but I think they're going to pull it together in the playoffs.



The Cubs are going to be mediocre again and finish with a mediocre 80-80, but the future looks bright. (sounds very familiar)



Natalie Portman is back at it again. Black Swan was a great performance. Breaking out of her shell and expanding into different genres. Can't wait for her next movies to come out.

Norwegian Recycling is pretty good at their mashups. Check them out.

For 2011, my New Years resolution is to continue being lazy and smoking. No one ever keeps their New Years resolutions. Gotta love reverse psychology! Is it possible to break the habit this year?

JSung if you read this and wanna rip on me, gimme whatchu got.