Finale

I'm 6 days away from graduation, which means I'm 7 days away from post-undergrad life. Although it took a long time, I feel like each semester taught me valuable life lessons. One semester I learned about how to balance school, friends, and family. Another semester I learned not to study too hard for something I didn't enjoy. The past summer I realized how much I enjoyed traveling and how much I will in the future. This semester I've learned to truly appreciate everything I have in my life and not take things for granted. I have definitely used my time in the cornfields to grow as a person. Whether life leads me to a chemistry lab or to an office in Hong Kong, I welcome the change and the adversity that awaits. It could be stupidity or it could be courage. I'm not really sure, but I have always desired to do the impossible. Once I graduate, I want to become someone who will positively affect people's lives. I don't want to be indebted to anyone, but the truth is I owe everyone so much because if it weren't for them I wouldn't be who I am today. This definitely sounds cheesy, but looking back I've had great memories with people I may never see again. It isn't a depressing or pessimistic thought. It's a fact. Things change under different circumstances for everyone. We really won't know where all of us are going to be 5 or 10 years from now. Some people are going to be married and some of them are even going to have children. Sadly, others might even be dead. Person A might be an investment banker, Person B might be a professor, Person C might be a teacher. It's an unknown path that we should appreciate every step of the way, because time flies by and every moment counts. I started this blog 2 years ago. Frankly, I don't really care if people read this or not. It was just a way to keep track of thoughts and ideas that I had. One of my life's ambitions is to be a man of integrity. Whatever I want in life, I will work hard for it. I'm not sure how too gauge how much integrity I have now, but I want to be able to look back in my life and say that I lived a life full of integrity and regret nothing because of my character. I'll hopefully blog once more before graduation. But after that, I'm going to start a new blog to document my travels, tastes, and thoughts as a working man. Time to grind out a long study session.

Insomnia

It's 4 am and I'm wide awake. This feeling sucks. What's incredible is that I'm running on at most 3 hours of good sleep in the last two days. Easter Sunday was perhaps one of the most unusual days of my life. My spiritual life grew immensely after OIL and then came to a screaming halt the week before spring break. However, I was and still am reminded about how far apart I have come from God. I receive all these blessings; yet, I don't feel like I deserve any of it. I cannot wait to finish college. I want to work for everything that I have to feel like I deserve what I have. But God continues to rain down his blessings and I am so rebuked by it.

Wow. It was really hard to tell myself or even come to accept any of that for the past three weeks. Sunday and Monday (yesterday) were one of my joyfullest days. I love my family in-and-out. I miss them everyday. Before, I just wondered how they were doing; now, I'm actually calling them to see how they're doing. I believe it's my inner desire to find love (be it women, family, or friends) that keeps me going. There were times were I felt so alone that it felt like no one was even attempting to reach out to me. That was bullshit. I just closed myself off from everyone, resulting in an increasing number of deteriorating relationships.

Help! Great song by the Beatles. I'm not sure if it's another epiphany, but the extent of my independence has reached the borders of ignorance and stupidity. I appreciate all the help I received from my family and my friends through my growing years. I didn't realize how much they've helped me grow into the person I am now. Sure, many of the times it didn't seem like help, but every encounter I've had in my life slowly built the perception of the world I have now. I refused to ask for help from anybody and selfishly demanded it instead. I never reached out thinking that my pride was always at stake. Asking questions is what the intellectual elites do. I failed in that realm numerous times.

I have a collection of random memories that serve no purpose to me other than to remind myself (regret) of what I could or should have done and will do in the future. Learning from mistakes is something I'm far better prepared for. It's depressing to realize that I had to make many along the way. I'm not trying to imply that I am sad - far from it. I have my down moments, but more than 80% of the time I am happy. Having the wide range of emotions is what makes us human. Feeling sad or pain is completely washed away by joy and laughter.

The past three months (pseudo-summer) were the warmest months on record. Where does the flashing warning about climate change come in? Much of the environment is changing, and yet we're all imprisoned by the media machine that stops us from preventing that change from becoming catastrophic. I am by no means pushing for a liberal agenda. I support the human agenda - that is the survival of the human race. To do so, everyone has to work for money that supports the pleasant lifestyle that we're fortunate enough to even have. The Syrians are going through one of the bloodiest civil wars in the decade, and 350 million Americans continue to live their lives only glancing at the news.

To put it into perspective, we as a first world nation have an abundance of resources that allow us to live in luxury. Many of our arguments stem from our own search for survival. That is simply what humans do. We fight in different ways to survive for what's best for ourselves, our families, our friends, and our future. The meaning of life is to live, and the meaning of death is to die. We innately carry these definitions, not as mere words, but by our scope of what surrounds us. Americans have their battles to fight in order to support our loved ones; Syrians are undergoing the same battle but with casualties. Our policies that affect them also affect us. (foreign affairs, economics, resources, media, sports) As humans, we fight to survive. (Currently, I'm fighting to fix my sleeping schedule and get some quality beauty sleep.)

I guess this insomnia dilemma is a good thing too. Everything I just wrote was stream of consciousness. Kinda like free flowing down a river without my lips making a single quiver. (Har har)

What's on my mind? My math midterm in 29 hours that I am not ready for, my family, my fantasy teams rocking in the playoffs, the amount of work I have to do to earn a paycheck, when and where to apply for jobs, editing my resume and cover letters by taking a deep look at what I've gained these past few years, the ACS certification that comes with my degree, my new computer that I am feeling guilty that I ordered, how the Cubs and the Bulls are going to do in the next month, slipping away from my spiritual life in many ways, what to do after I start working, getting back to the gym, working to refine my approach to money, finishing each task like I tried my best, looking to become the best son, husband, and father, finding not "the one" but someone I can share moments with, working hard for everything I've wanted in life, and fighting to survive through thick and thin.

I guess I have a lot on my mind, which is both good and bad. YES! I feel tired. Perfect timing. Good night world.

20/20

There are only so many cliches to describe how memorable or special the past year was to someone. This year was a period of transition where I went through many ups and downs, bad and good. The Bears were beyond lucky last season, and had terrible luck this year. The Cubs need as much luck as they can get every year. The Bulls bloomed like a Rose (har-har) last year and look even better this year. The economy was shaky, but there has been recovery. There was a blizzard, followed by one of the coldest days of the year, a scorching two week heat wave, and then it didn't even snow until after the New Year. Bin Laden, Qaddafi, and Kim Jong Il died, but tyranny still reigns. The Arab Spring and Occupy Wall Street movements have brought activism to new heights. Politics is hot air as usual.

On a personal note, this year flew by. I was in many places - Champaign, Panama City Beach, Kalamazoo, Memphis, New Orleans, NYC, Boston, and everywhere in Chicago. I became closer to my best friends, but grew further from my acquaintances. I stayed in school to learn more about myself and what I want in life. I quit smoking and then failed to keep that commitment. I went from 199.9 lbs to 175 lbs. I greatly improved my basketball skills. I stopped taking my family for granted and now I think about them every day. I learned how much I didn't like Chemistry. I realized that platonic love is incapable of satisfying what the heart truly seeks. I started the year in rock bottom and ended the year on top of the world.

2011 was unpredictable, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I am even more excited to see what 2012 will bring!

Relapse

The biggest concern for those who seek and attain progress in whatever aspects of life is the chance for relapse. For example, most, if not all, people are worried about the economy. The economy has made progress since the financial collapses of 2001 and 2008, where rampant deception almost toppled "Too Big To Fail" companies. Considered one of the greatest countries in the world, America has seen its fair share of ups and downs as has many countries around the globe.

The #OccupyWallStreet movement began as a simple protest against corporate greed and has evolved into a populist movement similar to one that took place right after the Gilded Age ended. The lack of unions and labor laws caused uproar around the countries for working Americans who lacked protection from the government. Today, Obama gave a similar speech to Teddy Roosevelt vowing to protect the middle class and its interests. Teddy Roosevelt should be remembered as a president who fought to break up trusts in the oil and telephone industries, which monopolized in order to maximize profits.

To me, it becomes rather eerie that after a hundred years, the same issues are being debated. Sure, the civil rights movement has earned rights for women, minorities, and soon the homosexual population. However, people should look at the human rights movement. The unions, organizations that protect the general interest of employees, garnered the most strength after decades of activism, but became unraveled after the 1970s. 1979 is a year that is referenced by not only artists, but the OWS movement as well. The wealthy inequality gap exploded that year and has not stopped since. The diminishing power of unions can be seen in the oil spill that shocked the world. Deregulation and propaganda are powerful allies that can permanently convince a significant (about 30%) portion of the population that some lies are facts.

The media is a powerful entity in today's technological world. The media is owned by corporations and censored by the government. In order to seek the truth, people have to read between the lines and find the answers themselves. The integrity of journalism has probably been compromised. It's very hard to find journalists like Bernstein and Woodward who seek to expose the truth because it is ultimately the right decision. We hear about all the political corruption involved in Congress and the White House. All of the lobbyists and corporate greed is entwined in today's political system, but people don't seem to care enough. Perhaps, they're in denial of the truth.

An example of the media's power is in today's sports entertainment - Tim Tebow. Wow. He is impressive. A devout Christian devoted to help the world wherever he goes. He speaks volumes about his faith to the media. He is the model Christian. However, he is a polarizing figure as people start to hate him and even mock him (see: Tebowing). He is a great story that captures his role in the recent 6-1 run by the Denver Broncos, but is also greatly discredited for his "imperfect" skills as a QB. How is he any different from a Christian? Not everyone is perfect.

The progress I made has been stunted. It is ironic that I relapsed after not smoking cigarettes for months. My gains I made from working out are beginning to deteriorate. My spiritual life is becoming shaky. My battle in living peacefully versus recklessly partying is becoming more intense. Relapse is a good word to use at the moment, but I don't want to think of it like that. I hope to get back on track and further distance myself from what I don't enjoy. Self-control and self-discipline is what brought me the most happiness. Time for me to take it back.

Can't wait until Christmas! The Bulls vs the Lakers. No more NBA lockout! Woo!

Get Fit

Have you ever wanted to lose weight? Have you ever wanted to gain weight? Have you ever wanted to get a 6 pack? Have you ever wanted to get that ideal body like Brad Pitt in Fight Club or the models
in Victoria's Secret spreads? Odds are you probably have answered yes at one point in your life.

After finals were over last semester, I weighed myself on the scale and almost tipped over 200 lbs for the first time in my life. I realized how much I let myself go as the semester went, but that 199.9 reading made me worried about my health. I don't think I was obese, but I was definitely overweight. Knowing the conditions that accompany the disease made me worried about my long term health. For the first time in a long time, I pushed myself to try and get that 6 pack I've always said I would get. In May 2011 I had love handles, flabby arms, horrible stamina, and constant fatigue. I was sick of feeling sorry for myself and wanted to something about it. It didn't matter that I was one of the most in shape people before or that I was once a fat kid. The past is in the past, and to get to the future I needed to overcome the present. I had to condition myself to forget about what I once did and start focusing on what I could do then in order to attain the physique that every guy wants.

My first visits to the gym were the most painful to my ego. Not only was I weak, but I had no endurance. I couldn't do more than 3 pullups, a single dip, bench more than 135, or run longer than 5 minutes. It made it worse with all these mirrors everywhere with nowhere to hide. The reflective glass often used to promote vanity by men and women alike became a symbolism of shame. I realized this was probably why most people stop working out. The worst part is knowing how shitty you are. The mirrors at the gym are double edged swords for people of all types. Everyone checks themselves out, but not everyone views themselves only positively or negatively. Self-esteem issues run rampant among the fit and the fat, but another topic for another day.

Sacrifice. That's the key ingredient to every diet and fitness plan. I sacrificed my cravings for eating out. I sacrificed my lazy habits. I sacrificed my pride. I pretty much became a new person and in essence a better version of myself. I pushed myself to go to the gym every day. I pushed myself to not eat those delicious appetizers at every restaurant I dined at. When you get somewhere, it really is all mental. The psyche has to be stronger than the body.

My workout plan consisted of a pre-workout meal (full of carbs and protein, and Jack3d) an hour before, the workout (either lifting or cardio), a post-workout shake (usually protein) and a meal rich with enough protein and carbs. I go through 4 week lifting cycles. "Power" is high rep, medium weight, "Endurance" is high rep, low weight, and "Strength" is low rep, high weight. The order doesn't matter. But that's only a part of the plan; diet is key. I tried my friend's extreme diet of sacrificing carbs. I ate eggs in the morning, yogurt as a snack, milk when I was thirsty, and chicken breasts for dinner. I avoided pop and chips as much as possible. I slept 7-8 hours a night. I was tired all the time, but the sacrifice was well worth it.

I went from struggling to bench 135 to doing the same number of repetitions at 205. I used to shoulder press with 45 lb dumbbells and now I can exceed 80 lbs. I could barely run a mile but now I can run at about a 7 minute pace. My 3 point shot was horrible, and now my range has been extended by a couple feet. I stopped running during pick up games, and now I can play three hours straight. I lost my love handles, but not the love (haha I wonder if this could work as a pick up line?). My abs were masked by layers of fat, but now I have definition without flexing. Almost there.

The mirrors that once taunted me now remind me of what hard work and sacrifice can do. I would be lying if I said I don't occasionally glance at the mirror to check myself. It may be vain at times, but most of the time I check for progress. If you stare too long, you can never notice the changes that are to come. I haven't reached my goal yet, but I will. Before I used to hope that I would, thinking that while cheating occasionally I could still reach my goal. Now, I have the mentality "I will (blank)" and I apply it to pretty much everything in my life. This vigor drives me away from laziness. It reminds me of the passion I used to have for chemistry, where I wanted to do better than all my peers and the only thing that could stop me was sleep. I'm loving this passion, this drive, this motivation.

I will keep this up for the rest of my life.

Solidarity!

During the past summer, the NFL lockout headlined most of sports media with the NBA lockout tiptoe-ing its way up to the top. Without football, millions of Americans would frantically find so much free time that they would make their own fantasy football drafts based on Madden '12, which by the way is fun as hell! But by August after concessions were made on both sides, Roger Goodell and DeMaurice Smith struck a deal that allowed Americans to return to their billion dollar business.

With the NFL's popularity back at its peak, the NBA lockout is under the microscope now. The owners want to maintain their profits; the players want to maintain their salaries. The owners get the arenas and marketing teams; the players play in the arenas and are the marketing team. Billionaires bitching about several hundreds of millions; millionaires bitching to keep the several hundreds of millions. The losers? the hundreds of thousands of workers who maintain facilities and, in essence, the NBA.

With #OccupyWallStreet in full swing, it's surprising that people are clamoring for the NBA to return when the bigger picture should be seen. The ever-increasing income gap has been revealed by the Congressional Budget Office to support the 99%'s rhetoric. Why are the rich getting richer as the poor get poorer? As of right now, I am neither for or against the movement. The poor can be poor for many reasons - drugs, alcohol, addiction, stupidity. The poor can be poor for other reasons - deregulation, nepotism, racism, Ponzi schemes. In the grand scheme of things, the movement has started discussions that important for politics. Democrats and Republicans alike are hesitant to give their unbiased opinions about the movement as 99% of the country controls their job security.

I am a huge NBA fan and a history fanatic. To see history unfold before my eyes with two different examples telling the same story brings me sadness and joy. It's disappointing to see that the game I enjoy playing and watching is being sacrificed as the rich fight between each other instead of coming to a quick agreement for the sake of the millions who support them. The OWS movement is disappointing to hear that all they're doing is protesting and not being proactive in political discussions. Many politicians are endorsed by some special interest group and everyone knows it. The parallels are striking as David Stern is the senator who plays towards the interests of the owners and Billy Hunter is the senator who plays towards the interests of the players. The lame-duck Congress has definitely brought the trickle-down effect to the people, but not in the money sense. The polarization between people is what causes progress to stagnate.

As the recession continues, I find no hope that Congress will fully agree on anything as both sides are unwilling to negotiate a new CBA for the country. Ronald Reagan's "greatest" economic accomplishment bit America in the ass, and the people have to pay for it. (How? Many statistics about the growing income gap start from 1979, when Reagan started the trickle-down effect known as Reaganomics. Not a coincidence.)

But even during harsh economic times, people find ways to happiness. Music and movies are at its heights as the quality of each appeal to audiophiles and movie buffs. Other people may resort to substance abuse. [And this is when shit gets serious] I quit smoking cigarettes during the summer and fell back again once school started. I caught myself in the midst of smoking half a pack to a pack a day in addition to 4 to 8 cups of coffee. I am weening myself nicotine at the same time as I zombie my way through days without caffeine. I struggle to find the motivation, but I somehow make it through.

On this note, I want to state that I have tried to stop others from their substance abuse. Their weapon of choice may range from gluttony to ecstasy. Some have progressed; others have regressed. As a friend, to watch them change before my very eyes is disappointing and to say that I didn't try is a lie. From this point on, I give up on those who seek to further destroy their minds and bodies with the persistent advice from their peers. It is illogical for myself and others to make concessions with ourselves as the other side continues to gain in these CBA meetings. All I can say is "Solidarity!" for each side and only hope that an agreement can be reached.

Man, this NBA lockout shit sucks.

Refresh Button (F5)

It's been months since I've been on this thing. Writing on my own is different from blogging. Time to start up again. The past two months have been refreshing. I'm going to get back into this slowly. Some thoughts..

The weather has gone from unseasonably cold to unseasonably warm. I have been enjoying it before the warmth hibernates for months. This winter is supposedly going to be freezing. The farmers are usually right, but I'm hoping they're wrong this time. Warm weather was torturous this summer, but it's better than shivering uncontrollably with layers of clothes on.

This #OccupyWallStreet business has been slowly blowing up the media. For politicians, it's hot potato because supporting or decrying it brings criticism for either being anti-populist or pro-corporate. It's the dualistic nature of a deomcratic republic and a capitalist economy. With globalization becoming a more distinguished facet of people's lives, it's getting harder for society to find a balance for its people, the economy, and the government. Everywhere around the world, economies are suffering, governments are being criticized, and people are upset. Maybe Marx and Engles weren't too far off? Time will tell.

The NBA lockout is ridiculous. Money is very important everyone. In order to maintain profits, the owners are playing hardball with the players. The players do not want to hurt their market value by giving up money when they generate revenue. At the same time, the forgotten effects are hardly mentioned by the media. The livelihoods of those who depend on professional sports in order to support themselves as well as their families are being sacrificed because the elitists are griping about small percentages. The trickle-down effect? Professional sports is a good example as to how and why Reaganomics does not work. The top garner all the money and the people on the bottom, who do most of the work, receive the least. I would expand but in the coming months, I'm sure I'll rant and rave some more.

RIP Steve Jobs. The good and bad he brought to the technological world have changed the future in so many ways.

Life is good. Time to workout and study.