Two hours spent at the library and only learned one concept that is of no use at all. Thirteen hours until two deadlines and physically have nothing to turn in. Procrastination at its best? I should have been a business major. I hustled the heck out of people to get the answers and work done. It baffles me how much better I am at doing accounting, finance, and marketing things than I am at gel electrophoresis, column chromatography, and Schlenk lines. Too late now. Or is it? Too much to think of at the moment.
I really want to do work, but distraction comes so easily when there's no pressure.
I want to:
-make a new playlist
-play basketball
-look for new shoes (basketball, dress, running, and casual)
-catch up on reading books, magazines, and blogs
-finish my mega-thesis about the historical and political contrast between the Great Depression and the Great Recession, as well as its connection to the inevitable Pax Sinica that's about to dominate for centuries
-watch the Office
-learn the next set of chords for the guitar
-wash the remaining six to eight loads of dirty clothes
-dream about places to visit after graduation
-discuss the word play on '**** is where my heart lies'
-buy supplements for the mind and body (jack3d, protein, choline citrate, and piracetem)
-experience the Bulls winning a championship in person
-find my Garden of Eden
-do some QT
-go home
-complete everything required for my lingering mistake
-make that failed music video from last summer
-lease an apartment/house that isn't constantly dirty
-share daily tasks with my future wife so they don't become heavy burdens for the both of us
-figure out if I even want to get married
-make a video with my kids
-dream a new dream
-list the 30 day music challenge without having to do more than one song in one day
-keep up with the good mood I've been
-discover another forgotten $20 bill in my jeans
-be in two places at once
That was a relief. Time to return to restriction mapping and completing my terrible Wikipedia page..
Friday, April 29, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Post-Dream Conference
It's been nearly two days, four times waking up, and almost 36 hours since I woke up from that dream. It's crazy to think about what kind of dream I had, but the impact it's had on my life is starting to unfold.
Almost an hour after I finished my last blog post, I told one of my roommates about the dream. The dreams he has are crazy; the dreams I have are crazy. Simply, we share many of those dreams. This time was different. After I told him everything, he told me if I have been talking with either my mom or brother. It's been awhile, but my brother and I facebook message each other every now and then. It's enough to the point we talk to each other often enough to keep each other updated. My mom and I usually talk in spurts. A lot here and there, almost never during the other times. This cycle has been in the 'almost never' since spring break ended. After grilling and baking during the whole day, my mom called me. It was pretty awkward, but good to hear that she was alive. Every day I'm learning something new. I realized how much my family means to me. The empty void I felt during my dream is something I want to avoid in reality. Death is inevitable, which makes the people around you that much more important because of the (lack of) time you have with them.
Pretty enjoyable watch. It doesn't have to relate to life all the time, but it's something to think about for the future. Love?
Random Thought: 1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with these childish things." You don't have to be religious to realize that the Bible has some of the simplest ideas and turns into something greater. That chapter in particular talks about love. Crazy how I thought about my family then and I remembered this random chapter.
The NBA playoffs are sick! I'm hoping the Thunder play the Grizzlies (Thunder in 6), Lakers play the Blazers (Lakers in 6), and then the Thunder grind out a 7-game series with the Lakers to play the Bulls in the Finals. I'm hoping the Bulls clinch against the Pacers on Tuesday (to play the Hawks) on the same night the Blackhawks rally to clinch Game 7 against the Canucks. How epic would a double clincher for Chicago be?! The Cubs are winning and losing appropriately. This year isn't the year, but I can't wait until June to see Starlin and Barney get hot!
What should I do after graduation? Move out of the city that I'm most comfortable in? Start a new life in a new city to meet the challenges I've been craving as of late? Run off to a different country for a different routine? Get a job, or continue school?
Immediate things to do: - finish Wiki project - do well on finals - get better endurance for basketball - lift - catch up on new music for April - daily routines
Almost an hour after I finished my last blog post, I told one of my roommates about the dream. The dreams he has are crazy; the dreams I have are crazy. Simply, we share many of those dreams. This time was different. After I told him everything, he told me if I have been talking with either my mom or brother. It's been awhile, but my brother and I facebook message each other every now and then. It's enough to the point we talk to each other often enough to keep each other updated. My mom and I usually talk in spurts. A lot here and there, almost never during the other times. This cycle has been in the 'almost never' since spring break ended. After grilling and baking during the whole day, my mom called me. It was pretty awkward, but good to hear that she was alive. Every day I'm learning something new. I realized how much my family means to me. The empty void I felt during my dream is something I want to avoid in reality. Death is inevitable, which makes the people around you that much more important because of the (lack of) time you have with them.
Pretty enjoyable watch. It doesn't have to relate to life all the time, but it's something to think about for the future. Love?
Random Thought: 1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with these childish things." You don't have to be religious to realize that the Bible has some of the simplest ideas and turns into something greater. That chapter in particular talks about love. Crazy how I thought about my family then and I remembered this random chapter.
The NBA playoffs are sick! I'm hoping the Thunder play the Grizzlies (Thunder in 6), Lakers play the Blazers (Lakers in 6), and then the Thunder grind out a 7-game series with the Lakers to play the Bulls in the Finals. I'm hoping the Bulls clinch against the Pacers on Tuesday (to play the Hawks) on the same night the Blackhawks rally to clinch Game 7 against the Canucks. How epic would a double clincher for Chicago be?! The Cubs are winning and losing appropriately. This year isn't the year, but I can't wait until June to see Starlin and Barney get hot!
What should I do after graduation? Move out of the city that I'm most comfortable in? Start a new life in a new city to meet the challenges I've been craving as of late? Run off to a different country for a different routine? Get a job, or continue school?
Immediate things to do: - finish Wiki project - do well on finals - get better endurance for basketball - lift - catch up on new music for April - daily routines
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Brainstorming Dream
Damn! That was a scary ass nightmare. I woke up from a dream where life got intense and I couldn't wake up. I was with my mom, my brother, and my friend whose face I can't remember. All four of us decided to go on a road trip, because lately that's been what I love doing. We decide to drive out to some coast; although I'm not exactly sure where we were. We rented a house on the beach. It had the best view of the sunset/sunrise. We ate like champions. We grilled seafood, burgers, brats, and hot dogs. Next thing we know, we're in the attic talking. I look out the window. And it's a tornado on water?? Water spouts are pretty common during storms, but it wasn't raining outside. Boom! The mini-tornado rips through the house. It wasn't disastrous though. It came in through the window and stopped in the middle of the house.
We took it as a warning sign and ran off to our car. We drove off into a beach parking lot thinking it was safer than the beach house. All of us decided to sleep. Ring ring! It was my friend's dad who was mad at my friend for running off unexpectedly. We got up and walked away from the beach to figure out what to do. We were sitting on a table by one of the facilities nearby while I was smoking a cigarette. The gates surrounding the area seemed pointless. It didn't block anyone from trespassing. There were large gaps that people could easily sneak through. CRASH! It was the sound of a wave colliding with one of the penetrable walls around us. We were mesmerized by what was happening. The waves had reached out to us. We were sitting at least 200-250 yards away from the shore. Then it hit me. My mom and my brother were still sleeping in the car parked at the beach parking lot. I tried to see if the car was there, but I couldn't see anything but water engulfed everything in sight. The waves were getting more fierce. We had to ran away from the waves and made our way to a hotel.
We took a deep breath and tried to assess the current situation. Maybe it was just a dream? It couldn't have happened so quickly. How do tornadoes form on water? What do we do now? We went to a hotel and stayed there waiting to find out the news. A few days later, it was confirmed- they were deceased. The shock of it was devastating. I had no idea how to react. Do I embrace my emotions and let everything out, or do I act strong for my family and myself in order to ride the storm? I did a little bit of both.
Now, I had to think of how we were going to go back home from the trip. My friend and I had enough money to sleep and eat, but not to drive. The logic doesn't make sense, but that was the present situation. For the next couple of days, we did odd jobs here and there. We scrounged up enough money to head back home.
The journey home was quick. Once I was home, I looked around. Everything reminded me of my family. An intense rush of emotions poured out. I yelled. I screamed. I punched. I cried. I prayed. It wasn't fair. I thought about what life would be like without them. For example, my mom helps me with taxes and money things. I thought how it would be like for me to do taxes by myself for the first time without her guiding me through it. I thought about other things, like would our dog miss them? Eventually, I wake up. The nightmare/dream felt so real.
We took it as a warning sign and ran off to our car. We drove off into a beach parking lot thinking it was safer than the beach house. All of us decided to sleep. Ring ring! It was my friend's dad who was mad at my friend for running off unexpectedly. We got up and walked away from the beach to figure out what to do. We were sitting on a table by one of the facilities nearby while I was smoking a cigarette. The gates surrounding the area seemed pointless. It didn't block anyone from trespassing. There were large gaps that people could easily sneak through. CRASH! It was the sound of a wave colliding with one of the penetrable walls around us. We were mesmerized by what was happening. The waves had reached out to us. We were sitting at least 200-250 yards away from the shore. Then it hit me. My mom and my brother were still sleeping in the car parked at the beach parking lot. I tried to see if the car was there, but I couldn't see anything but water engulfed everything in sight. The waves were getting more fierce. We had to ran away from the waves and made our way to a hotel.
We took a deep breath and tried to assess the current situation. Maybe it was just a dream? It couldn't have happened so quickly. How do tornadoes form on water? What do we do now? We went to a hotel and stayed there waiting to find out the news. A few days later, it was confirmed- they were deceased. The shock of it was devastating. I had no idea how to react. Do I embrace my emotions and let everything out, or do I act strong for my family and myself in order to ride the storm? I did a little bit of both.
Now, I had to think of how we were going to go back home from the trip. My friend and I had enough money to sleep and eat, but not to drive. The logic doesn't make sense, but that was the present situation. For the next couple of days, we did odd jobs here and there. We scrounged up enough money to head back home.
The journey home was quick. Once I was home, I looked around. Everything reminded me of my family. An intense rush of emotions poured out. I yelled. I screamed. I punched. I cried. I prayed. It wasn't fair. I thought about what life would be like without them. For example, my mom helps me with taxes and money things. I thought how it would be like for me to do taxes by myself for the first time without her guiding me through it. I thought about other things, like would our dog miss them? Eventually, I wake up. The nightmare/dream felt so real.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Journey Renewed
It's been awhile since I've done this. I wanted to update what's going on in the NBA playoffs (the Bulls are struggling but still 2-0) and music (different playlists for different moods), as well as mention the revolutions taking place throughout the world. I'd like to touch on how the nation is struggling to stick to its identity, while other nations are better hiding their own (even if they aren't bad). Or how everything involving chemistry has become mundane, while everything else catches my eye so easily. There's a time and place for things. It'll happen when it happens.
I haven't been a very religious person in years, but I started reading this article I saw in my Facebook news-feed. Normally, I don't care about links that other people share because I tend to read what I want to read. Lately, I rarely go on Facebook, much less read about what's going on in other people's lives. I want to communicate with people directly and not depend on the internet as a medium. I'm a little old-fashioned, but hand writing letters isn't far-fetched to me at all.
To get back on track, I clicked on a link that I probably wouldn't have seen or cared to look at any other day. To my surprise, it was about The Second Coming of Jesus. I thought it pertained to the music industry and how the Devil runs the show. There was a greater meaning that I never thought about before. I still have to finish the article, but there was something in the article that sparked some curiosity. The relevance between birthdays (xx/xx/19xx) and bible verses (Book: xx:xx). I didn't really think of it too much but I tried (and continue trying) it out for myself.
Genesis: "But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father's nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father's nakedness."
Exodus: "When Moses stretched out his staff toward the sky, the Lord sent thunder and hail, and lightning flashed to the ground. So the Lord rained hail on the land of Egypt;"
Leviticus: "Moses and Aaron then went into the Tent of Meeting. When they came out, they blessed the people; and the glory of the Lord appeared to all the people."
Numbers: "At the Lord's command they encamped, and at the Lord's command they set out. They obeyed the Lord's order, in accordance with his command through Moses."
Deuteronomy: "And when the Lord sent you out from Kadesh Barnea, he said, 'Go up and take possession of the land I have given you.' But you rebelled against the command of the Lord your God. You did not trust him or obey him."
Those were the verses from the first five books of the Bible known as the Pentateuch or the Laws of Moses. I'm still thinking and reflecting about life in all its splendor. Now, this is something I will probably keep in mind for the time being. Time to resume school and sleeplessness.
I haven't been a very religious person in years, but I started reading this article I saw in my Facebook news-feed. Normally, I don't care about links that other people share because I tend to read what I want to read. Lately, I rarely go on Facebook, much less read about what's going on in other people's lives. I want to communicate with people directly and not depend on the internet as a medium. I'm a little old-fashioned, but hand writing letters isn't far-fetched to me at all.
To get back on track, I clicked on a link that I probably wouldn't have seen or cared to look at any other day. To my surprise, it was about The Second Coming of Jesus. I thought it pertained to the music industry and how the Devil runs the show. There was a greater meaning that I never thought about before. I still have to finish the article, but there was something in the article that sparked some curiosity. The relevance between birthdays (xx/xx/19xx) and bible verses (Book: xx:xx). I didn't really think of it too much but I tried (and continue trying) it out for myself.
Genesis: "But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father's nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father's nakedness."
Exodus: "When Moses stretched out his staff toward the sky, the Lord sent thunder and hail, and lightning flashed to the ground. So the Lord rained hail on the land of Egypt;"
Leviticus: "Moses and Aaron then went into the Tent of Meeting. When they came out, they blessed the people; and the glory of the Lord appeared to all the people."
Numbers: "At the Lord's command they encamped, and at the Lord's command they set out. They obeyed the Lord's order, in accordance with his command through Moses."
Deuteronomy: "And when the Lord sent you out from Kadesh Barnea, he said, 'Go up and take possession of the land I have given you.' But you rebelled against the command of the Lord your God. You did not trust him or obey him."
Those were the verses from the first five books of the Bible known as the Pentateuch or the Laws of Moses. I'm still thinking and reflecting about life in all its splendor. Now, this is something I will probably keep in mind for the time being. Time to resume school and sleeplessness.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Stress up the wazoo
With a month left of school, I don't know how to feel about graduating. I met many people I've come to like and dislike; I learned a lot about a major I've come to like and dislike. It sucks realizing that after four years I really should never have came to this school. This school is too conservative and ignorance is plentiful. I blame most of what's happened on me but where would I have been if the school actually cared about student. On that note, I really am the Tin Man/Nick Chopper.
There's one of those life experiences that people will never forget. Meeting a tattoo artist, two townies, a gullible man, and a violent man pretty much changed my view in life. I simply never want to deal with bullshit. I feel colder to most people these days. Maybe I should take anger management classes, or maybe smoke a shit load of weed.
I got chewed out by my mom. She pretty much knew my recklessness in high school. But she gave me the benefit of the doubt and hoped it was just my youth. Nope. It apparently got worse as I came to the school surrounded by cornfields. Getting out of here does make sense for all parties involved. When I walk away with my diploma, I will have inherited thousands in debt, hundreds of acquaintances, a handful of close friends, and a few lingering regrets.
Playing the guitar again has been pretty fun. I find the challenge of remembering anything I learned to be great enough to the point that I want keep playing until I learn it all again.
In 4 hours I have one homework assignment due. In 7 hours I have another two homework assignments due. In 11 hours I have to meet with an official. In 12 hours I have to go home for the night. In 25 hours I have to meet with a family friend. In 26 hours I have to come back to Champaign for a lab report due in 30 hours.
Life temporarily sucks.
There's one of those life experiences that people will never forget. Meeting a tattoo artist, two townies, a gullible man, and a violent man pretty much changed my view in life. I simply never want to deal with bullshit. I feel colder to most people these days. Maybe I should take anger management classes, or maybe smoke a shit load of weed.
I got chewed out by my mom. She pretty much knew my recklessness in high school. But she gave me the benefit of the doubt and hoped it was just my youth. Nope. It apparently got worse as I came to the school surrounded by cornfields. Getting out of here does make sense for all parties involved. When I walk away with my diploma, I will have inherited thousands in debt, hundreds of acquaintances, a handful of close friends, and a few lingering regrets.
Playing the guitar again has been pretty fun. I find the challenge of remembering anything I learned to be great enough to the point that I want keep playing until I learn it all again.
In 4 hours I have one homework assignment due. In 7 hours I have another two homework assignments due. In 11 hours I have to meet with an official. In 12 hours I have to go home for the night. In 25 hours I have to meet with a family friend. In 26 hours I have to come back to Champaign for a lab report due in 30 hours.
Life temporarily sucks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)