The biggest concern for those who seek and attain progress in whatever aspects of life is the chance for relapse. For example, most, if not all, people are worried about the economy. The economy has made progress since the financial collapses of 2001 and 2008, where rampant deception almost toppled "Too Big To Fail" companies. Considered one of the greatest countries in the world, America has seen its fair share of ups and downs as has many countries around the globe.
The #OccupyWallStreet movement began as a simple protest against corporate greed and has evolved into a populist movement similar to one that took place right after the Gilded Age ended. The lack of unions and labor laws caused uproar around the countries for working Americans who lacked protection from the government. Today, Obama gave a similar speech to Teddy Roosevelt vowing to protect the middle class and its interests. Teddy Roosevelt should be remembered as a president who fought to break up trusts in the oil and telephone industries, which monopolized in order to maximize profits.
To me, it becomes rather eerie that after a hundred years, the same issues are being debated. Sure, the civil rights movement has earned rights for women, minorities, and soon the homosexual population. However, people should look at the human rights movement. The unions, organizations that protect the general interest of employees, garnered the most strength after decades of activism, but became unraveled after the 1970s. 1979 is a year that is referenced by not only artists, but the OWS movement as well. The wealthy inequality gap exploded that year and has not stopped since. The diminishing power of unions can be seen in the oil spill that shocked the world. Deregulation and propaganda are powerful allies that can permanently convince a significant (about 30%) portion of the population that some lies are facts.
The media is a powerful entity in today's technological world. The media is owned by corporations and censored by the government. In order to seek the truth, people have to read between the lines and find the answers themselves. The integrity of journalism has probably been compromised. It's very hard to find journalists like Bernstein and Woodward who seek to expose the truth because it is ultimately the right decision. We hear about all the political corruption involved in Congress and the White House. All of the lobbyists and corporate greed is entwined in today's political system, but people don't seem to care enough. Perhaps, they're in denial of the truth.
An example of the media's power is in today's sports entertainment - Tim Tebow. Wow. He is impressive. A devout Christian devoted to help the world wherever he goes. He speaks volumes about his faith to the media. He is the model Christian. However, he is a polarizing figure as people start to hate him and even mock him (see: Tebowing). He is a great story that captures his role in the recent 6-1 run by the Denver Broncos, but is also greatly discredited for his "imperfect" skills as a QB. How is he any different from a Christian? Not everyone is perfect.
The progress I made has been stunted. It is ironic that I relapsed after not smoking cigarettes for months. My gains I made from working out are beginning to deteriorate. My spiritual life is becoming shaky. My battle in living peacefully versus recklessly partying is becoming more intense. Relapse is a good word to use at the moment, but I don't want to think of it like that. I hope to get back on track and further distance myself from what I don't enjoy. Self-control and self-discipline is what brought me the most happiness. Time for me to take it back.
Can't wait until Christmas! The Bulls vs the Lakers. No more NBA lockout! Woo!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Get Fit
Have you ever wanted to lose weight? Have you ever wanted to gain weight? Have you ever wanted to get a 6 pack? Have you ever wanted to get that ideal body like Brad Pitt in Fight Club or the models
in Victoria's Secret spreads? Odds are you probably have answered yes at one point in your life.
After finals were over last semester, I weighed myself on the scale and almost tipped over 200 lbs for the first time in my life. I realized how much I let myself go as the semester went, but that 199.9 reading made me worried about my health. I don't think I was obese, but I was definitely overweight. Knowing the conditions that accompany the disease made me worried about my long term health. For the first time in a long time, I pushed myself to try and get that 6 pack I've always said I would get. In May 2011 I had love handles, flabby arms, horrible stamina, and constant fatigue. I was sick of feeling sorry for myself and wanted to something about it. It didn't matter that I was one of the most in shape people before or that I was once a fat kid. The past is in the past, and to get to the future I needed to overcome the present. I had to condition myself to forget about what I once did and start focusing on what I could do then in order to attain the physique that every guy wants.
My first visits to the gym were the most painful to my ego. Not only was I weak, but I had no endurance. I couldn't do more than 3 pullups, a single dip, bench more than 135, or run longer than 5 minutes. It made it worse with all these mirrors everywhere with nowhere to hide. The reflective glass often used to promote vanity by men and women alike became a symbolism of shame. I realized this was probably why most people stop working out. The worst part is knowing how shitty you are. The mirrors at the gym are double edged swords for people of all types. Everyone checks themselves out, but not everyone views themselves only positively or negatively. Self-esteem issues run rampant among the fit and the fat, but another topic for another day.
Sacrifice. That's the key ingredient to every diet and fitness plan. I sacrificed my cravings for eating out. I sacrificed my lazy habits. I sacrificed my pride. I pretty much became a new person and in essence a better version of myself. I pushed myself to go to the gym every day. I pushed myself to not eat those delicious appetizers at every restaurant I dined at. When you get somewhere, it really is all mental. The psyche has to be stronger than the body.
My workout plan consisted of a pre-workout meal (full of carbs and protein, and Jack3d) an hour before, the workout (either lifting or cardio), a post-workout shake (usually protein) and a meal rich with enough protein and carbs. I go through 4 week lifting cycles. "Power" is high rep, medium weight, "Endurance" is high rep, low weight, and "Strength" is low rep, high weight. The order doesn't matter. But that's only a part of the plan; diet is key. I tried my friend's extreme diet of sacrificing carbs. I ate eggs in the morning, yogurt as a snack, milk when I was thirsty, and chicken breasts for dinner. I avoided pop and chips as much as possible. I slept 7-8 hours a night. I was tired all the time, but the sacrifice was well worth it.
I went from struggling to bench 135 to doing the same number of repetitions at 205. I used to shoulder press with 45 lb dumbbells and now I can exceed 80 lbs. I could barely run a mile but now I can run at about a 7 minute pace. My 3 point shot was horrible, and now my range has been extended by a couple feet. I stopped running during pick up games, and now I can play three hours straight. I lost my love handles, but not the love (haha I wonder if this could work as a pick up line?). My abs were masked by layers of fat, but now I have definition without flexing. Almost there.
The mirrors that once taunted me now remind me of what hard work and sacrifice can do. I would be lying if I said I don't occasionally glance at the mirror to check myself. It may be vain at times, but most of the time I check for progress. If you stare too long, you can never notice the changes that are to come. I haven't reached my goal yet, but I will. Before I used to hope that I would, thinking that while cheating occasionally I could still reach my goal. Now, I have the mentality "I will (blank)" and I apply it to pretty much everything in my life. This vigor drives me away from laziness. It reminds me of the passion I used to have for chemistry, where I wanted to do better than all my peers and the only thing that could stop me was sleep. I'm loving this passion, this drive, this motivation.
I will keep this up for the rest of my life.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Solidarity!
During the past summer, the NFL lockout headlined most of sports media with the NBA lockout tiptoe-ing its way up to the top. Without football, millions of Americans would frantically find so much free time that they would make their own fantasy football drafts based on Madden '12, which by the way is fun as hell! But by August after concessions were made on both sides, Roger Goodell and DeMaurice Smith struck a deal that allowed Americans to return to their billion dollar business.
With the NFL's popularity back at its peak, the NBA lockout is under the microscope now. The owners want to maintain their profits; the players want to maintain their salaries. The owners get the arenas and marketing teams; the players play in the arenas and are the marketing team. Billionaires bitching about several hundreds of millions; millionaires bitching to keep the several hundreds of millions. The losers? the hundreds of thousands of workers who maintain facilities and, in essence, the NBA.
With #OccupyWallStreet in full swing, it's surprising that people are clamoring for the NBA to return when the bigger picture should be seen. The ever-increasing income gap has been revealed by the Congressional Budget Office to support the 99%'s rhetoric. Why are the rich getting richer as the poor get poorer? As of right now, I am neither for or against the movement. The poor can be poor for many reasons - drugs, alcohol, addiction, stupidity. The poor can be poor for other reasons - deregulation, nepotism, racism, Ponzi schemes. In the grand scheme of things, the movement has started discussions that important for politics. Democrats and Republicans alike are hesitant to give their unbiased opinions about the movement as 99% of the country controls their job security.
I am a huge NBA fan and a history fanatic. To see history unfold before my eyes with two different examples telling the same story brings me sadness and joy. It's disappointing to see that the game I enjoy playing and watching is being sacrificed as the rich fight between each other instead of coming to a quick agreement for the sake of the millions who support them. The OWS movement is disappointing to hear that all they're doing is protesting and not being proactive in political discussions. Many politicians are endorsed by some special interest group and everyone knows it. The parallels are striking as David Stern is the senator who plays towards the interests of the owners and Billy Hunter is the senator who plays towards the interests of the players. The lame-duck Congress has definitely brought the trickle-down effect to the people, but not in the money sense. The polarization between people is what causes progress to stagnate.
As the recession continues, I find no hope that Congress will fully agree on anything as both sides are unwilling to negotiate a new CBA for the country. Ronald Reagan's "greatest" economic accomplishment bit America in the ass, and the people have to pay for it. (How? Many statistics about the growing income gap start from 1979, when Reagan started the trickle-down effect known as Reaganomics. Not a coincidence.)
But even during harsh economic times, people find ways to happiness. Music and movies are at its heights as the quality of each appeal to audiophiles and movie buffs. Other people may resort to substance abuse. [And this is when shit gets serious] I quit smoking cigarettes during the summer and fell back again once school started. I caught myself in the midst of smoking half a pack to a pack a day in addition to 4 to 8 cups of coffee. I am weening myself nicotine at the same time as I zombie my way through days without caffeine. I struggle to find the motivation, but I somehow make it through.
On this note, I want to state that I have tried to stop others from their substance abuse. Their weapon of choice may range from gluttony to ecstasy. Some have progressed; others have regressed. As a friend, to watch them change before my very eyes is disappointing and to say that I didn't try is a lie. From this point on, I give up on those who seek to further destroy their minds and bodies with the persistent advice from their peers. It is illogical for myself and others to make concessions with ourselves as the other side continues to gain in these CBA meetings. All I can say is "Solidarity!" for each side and only hope that an agreement can be reached.
Man, this NBA lockout shit sucks.
With the NFL's popularity back at its peak, the NBA lockout is under the microscope now. The owners want to maintain their profits; the players want to maintain their salaries. The owners get the arenas and marketing teams; the players play in the arenas and are the marketing team. Billionaires bitching about several hundreds of millions; millionaires bitching to keep the several hundreds of millions. The losers? the hundreds of thousands of workers who maintain facilities and, in essence, the NBA.
With #OccupyWallStreet in full swing, it's surprising that people are clamoring for the NBA to return when the bigger picture should be seen. The ever-increasing income gap has been revealed by the Congressional Budget Office to support the 99%'s rhetoric. Why are the rich getting richer as the poor get poorer? As of right now, I am neither for or against the movement. The poor can be poor for many reasons - drugs, alcohol, addiction, stupidity. The poor can be poor for other reasons - deregulation, nepotism, racism, Ponzi schemes. In the grand scheme of things, the movement has started discussions that important for politics. Democrats and Republicans alike are hesitant to give their unbiased opinions about the movement as 99% of the country controls their job security.
I am a huge NBA fan and a history fanatic. To see history unfold before my eyes with two different examples telling the same story brings me sadness and joy. It's disappointing to see that the game I enjoy playing and watching is being sacrificed as the rich fight between each other instead of coming to a quick agreement for the sake of the millions who support them. The OWS movement is disappointing to hear that all they're doing is protesting and not being proactive in political discussions. Many politicians are endorsed by some special interest group and everyone knows it. The parallels are striking as David Stern is the senator who plays towards the interests of the owners and Billy Hunter is the senator who plays towards the interests of the players. The lame-duck Congress has definitely brought the trickle-down effect to the people, but not in the money sense. The polarization between people is what causes progress to stagnate.
As the recession continues, I find no hope that Congress will fully agree on anything as both sides are unwilling to negotiate a new CBA for the country. Ronald Reagan's "greatest" economic accomplishment bit America in the ass, and the people have to pay for it. (How? Many statistics about the growing income gap start from 1979, when Reagan started the trickle-down effect known as Reaganomics. Not a coincidence.)
But even during harsh economic times, people find ways to happiness. Music and movies are at its heights as the quality of each appeal to audiophiles and movie buffs. Other people may resort to substance abuse. [And this is when shit gets serious] I quit smoking cigarettes during the summer and fell back again once school started. I caught myself in the midst of smoking half a pack to a pack a day in addition to 4 to 8 cups of coffee. I am weening myself nicotine at the same time as I zombie my way through days without caffeine. I struggle to find the motivation, but I somehow make it through.
On this note, I want to state that I have tried to stop others from their substance abuse. Their weapon of choice may range from gluttony to ecstasy. Some have progressed; others have regressed. As a friend, to watch them change before my very eyes is disappointing and to say that I didn't try is a lie. From this point on, I give up on those who seek to further destroy their minds and bodies with the persistent advice from their peers. It is illogical for myself and others to make concessions with ourselves as the other side continues to gain in these CBA meetings. All I can say is "Solidarity!" for each side and only hope that an agreement can be reached.
Man, this NBA lockout shit sucks.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Refresh Button (F5)
It's been months since I've been on this thing. Writing on my own is different from blogging. Time to start up again. The past two months have been refreshing. I'm going to get back into this slowly. Some thoughts..
The weather has gone from unseasonably cold to unseasonably warm. I have been enjoying it before the warmth hibernates for months. This winter is supposedly going to be freezing. The farmers are usually right, but I'm hoping they're wrong this time. Warm weather was torturous this summer, but it's better than shivering uncontrollably with layers of clothes on.
This #OccupyWallStreet business has been slowly blowing up the media. For politicians, it's hot potato because supporting or decrying it brings criticism for either being anti-populist or pro-corporate. It's the dualistic nature of a deomcratic republic and a capitalist economy. With globalization becoming a more distinguished facet of people's lives, it's getting harder for society to find a balance for its people, the economy, and the government. Everywhere around the world, economies are suffering, governments are being criticized, and people are upset. Maybe Marx and Engles weren't too far off? Time will tell.
The NBA lockout is ridiculous. Money is very important everyone. In order to maintain profits, the owners are playing hardball with the players. The players do not want to hurt their market value by giving up money when they generate revenue. At the same time, the forgotten effects are hardly mentioned by the media. The livelihoods of those who depend on professional sports in order to support themselves as well as their families are being sacrificed because the elitists are griping about small percentages. The trickle-down effect? Professional sports is a good example as to how and why Reaganomics does not work. The top garner all the money and the people on the bottom, who do most of the work, receive the least. I would expand but in the coming months, I'm sure I'll rant and rave some more.
RIP Steve Jobs. The good and bad he brought to the technological world have changed the future in so many ways.
Life is good. Time to workout and study.
The weather has gone from unseasonably cold to unseasonably warm. I have been enjoying it before the warmth hibernates for months. This winter is supposedly going to be freezing. The farmers are usually right, but I'm hoping they're wrong this time. Warm weather was torturous this summer, but it's better than shivering uncontrollably with layers of clothes on.
This #OccupyWallStreet business has been slowly blowing up the media. For politicians, it's hot potato because supporting or decrying it brings criticism for either being anti-populist or pro-corporate. It's the dualistic nature of a deomcratic republic and a capitalist economy. With globalization becoming a more distinguished facet of people's lives, it's getting harder for society to find a balance for its people, the economy, and the government. Everywhere around the world, economies are suffering, governments are being criticized, and people are upset. Maybe Marx and Engles weren't too far off? Time will tell.
The NBA lockout is ridiculous. Money is very important everyone. In order to maintain profits, the owners are playing hardball with the players. The players do not want to hurt their market value by giving up money when they generate revenue. At the same time, the forgotten effects are hardly mentioned by the media. The livelihoods of those who depend on professional sports in order to support themselves as well as their families are being sacrificed because the elitists are griping about small percentages. The trickle-down effect? Professional sports is a good example as to how and why Reaganomics does not work. The top garner all the money and the people on the bottom, who do most of the work, receive the least. I would expand but in the coming months, I'm sure I'll rant and rave some more.
RIP Steve Jobs. The good and bad he brought to the technological world have changed the future in so many ways.
Life is good. Time to workout and study.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Summertime
I've been pretty lazy about blogging. Whoops. It's been over a year since I started this blog. With the endless amount of free time, I've become too busy to update this once in awhile. Summer's come and gone in a matter of seconds. I forgot about the music challenge, which I'll finish eventually (probably not).
This summer I did almost everything I've wanted to do in the past. Although I didn't get to play the guitar or finish my reading list, I consider this summer as one of the most memorable. I got back into shape, I quit smoking cigarettes, I volunteered, I started to go to church again, I played a lot of basketball, I started running, and I bet a bunch of new people. I even went on a road trip to Memphis and New Orleans. Beale St and Bourbon St have to be one of the best streets I've been to in this country.
With only 18 days of summer left, there's still much to do. I'm going to New York City and then Boston. I have to move into my next apartment. I have to move out of my old apartment. I want to hang out with friends before the next semester starts. It's been a long summer. I started to get homesick more and more. But I realized this summer that this is the last summer I can spend doing these things. After school's done, it's the rest of my life. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
30 Day Song Challenge [Part 1]
The Miami Heat lost, the Mavs won their first Larry O'Brien Trophy, and Lebron is still a bitch. All is well in the world. But in all seriousness, I'm already sick and tired of people bashing on Lebron James. EVERYONE has an opinion; whereas at the same time last year, no one really had anything to say about basketball. I guess David Stern got what he wanted, but this is going to be a giant headache after people realize this might be the last basketball we see in 2011.
Generally, I do not like self-absorbed, egotistic, condescending, (insert clever word describing Lebron's personality), woe-is-me personalities which makes the outcome of Game 6 all the more gratifying. As Lebron approached Bosh after time expired, Bosh did not move while Lebron embraced him. I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but Bosh has become the martyr for the Big Three dynasty as he receives the largest amount of criticism and least amount of praise. During the playoffs, he provided consistent offense and clutch defense. Sure, Wade and Lebron had the most points, but they also took about three times as many shots combined than Bosh did. He obviously did not want any attention, and Miami was the perfect place. Unfortunately, he's automatically going to be apart of the three-headed scapegoat. Maybe the Bulls and the Heat can swap 4's? One can only hope.
I've always wanted to do the "30 Day Song Challenge." I don't really feel like doing it over 30 days, so I'm going to split them into different parts.
Day 01 - Your favorite song
The Beatles' "Eleanor Rigby" was song introduced to me by my music teacher from junior high. Not only did he teach me how to play piano (not really), but he introduced me to the most influential band in history. I have no idea how I didn't listen to them while I lived in Chicago.
Day 02 - Your least favorite song
I hate any song by Ke$ha, specifically "Blow" because that song blows and it makes me want to go insane..
Day 03 - A song that makes you happy
"Make Noise" by Audiodax is a song that always makes me happy. I'm not really sure why, but it does.
Day 04 - A song that makes you sad
I'm sure that there are songs that are sadder, but this is one that comes straight from the top of my head. The peaceful melody combined with the well-written lyrics in "So Sick" makes this ballad sadder than it needs to be. It's good, but it doesn't exactly make one jump for joy.
Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone
For about 3 years I had "Hey Mama" as the song to let me know my mom was calling me. When Kanye was once sane, he made music that was easy to listen to because creativity comes quick if you're easily inspired.
I guess I have to blog again within the next 4 days to finish the challenge. And here we go..
Generally, I do not like self-absorbed, egotistic, condescending, (insert clever word describing Lebron's personality), woe-is-me personalities which makes the outcome of Game 6 all the more gratifying. As Lebron approached Bosh after time expired, Bosh did not move while Lebron embraced him. I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but Bosh has become the martyr for the Big Three dynasty as he receives the largest amount of criticism and least amount of praise. During the playoffs, he provided consistent offense and clutch defense. Sure, Wade and Lebron had the most points, but they also took about three times as many shots combined than Bosh did. He obviously did not want any attention, and Miami was the perfect place. Unfortunately, he's automatically going to be apart of the three-headed scapegoat. Maybe the Bulls and the Heat can swap 4's? One can only hope.
I've always wanted to do the "30 Day Song Challenge." I don't really feel like doing it over 30 days, so I'm going to split them into different parts.
Day 01 - Your favorite song
The Beatles' "Eleanor Rigby" was song introduced to me by my music teacher from junior high. Not only did he teach me how to play piano (not really), but he introduced me to the most influential band in history. I have no idea how I didn't listen to them while I lived in Chicago.
Day 02 - Your least favorite song
I hate any song by Ke$ha, specifically "Blow" because that song blows and it makes me want to go insane..
Day 03 - A song that makes you happy
"Make Noise" by Audiodax is a song that always makes me happy. I'm not really sure why, but it does.
Day 04 - A song that makes you sad
I'm sure that there are songs that are sadder, but this is one that comes straight from the top of my head. The peaceful melody combined with the well-written lyrics in "So Sick" makes this ballad sadder than it needs to be. It's good, but it doesn't exactly make one jump for joy.
Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone
For about 3 years I had "Hey Mama" as the song to let me know my mom was calling me. When Kanye was once sane, he made music that was easy to listen to because creativity comes quick if you're easily inspired.
I guess I have to blog again within the next 4 days to finish the challenge. And here we go..
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Shufflin'
For the past week and moreso in the last 24 hours, I've been obsessing over LMFAO's "Party Rock Anthem."
So naturally, I got the urge to learn how to shuffle.
Soon, I'm going to be playing my guitar while shuffling in my next music video (half-joking).
If I keep this up, I'll become an expert!
So naturally, I got the urge to learn how to shuffle.
Soon, I'm going to be playing my guitar while shuffling in my next music video (half-joking).
If I keep this up, I'll become an expert!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sponges and Loofahs as Uniforms
It's been 17 days since my semester ended. During those 17 days I've tried to collect myself together and figure out what to do the rest of the summer and thereafter. Watching my peers graduate without me made me bitter, lonely, depressed, happy, and ecstatic. The amalgam of feelings resurrected me.
For the past 6 or 7 months, I thought and thought and thought. I tried to be practical and come up with a solution as to how and why there was any direction in anything that existed. I fixed myself in a pensive position as the world moved past me. I slept during classes, hung out with friends, played basketball, and whatever else I usually did. I even blogged occasionally. But at the same time I was searching for an answer to a question I didn't even ask yet. A trip to PCB revealed a glimpse of what I was looking for. I appreciated the aesthetics and momentarily moved away from pragmatism. I looked out into the Gulf of Mexico, took a deep breath, and then closed my eyes.
"Life: The Never-ending Journey into the Unknown." Having unanswered questions wash away with the waves and then return crashing with the waves became simple. As the tide pulls the water away from between your toes, you remain momentarily above the sand. Problems return to the ocean as your feet begin to dry. But the tide will return eventually, as will the problems. The cycle of moisturizing and evaporating never ends. Problems are always going to be there just like water (fingers crossed). Escaping the waves doesn't mean the waves don't exist. The waves remain there, but the feet become dry. It's a shitty metaphor but it was a start.
The past semester was by far the WORST and HARDEST time of my life. I felt like I was in a different country all by myself. Even though I was in the company of my closest friends, I still felt like Robinson Crusoe. My problems started confounding and -just like the economy- the downward spiral continued. I continued to plummet into new rock bottoms so often that life was giving me the People's Eye. I often told myself, "You're finally at rock bottom now." Only to find myself in a new hole. I lost all hope. My youthful optimism that invigorated me up every day disappeared. I was in the middle of my own Dust Bowl.
Seventeen days ago, I found myself depressed. It was normal as I had already realized the lingering condition following me everywhere I went. It didn't help that I was celebrating my friends graduating and moving on. I felt like I was being left in the dust. Feeling alone while not actually being alone is probably one of the worst feelings ever. I found no joy in anything. Everything started to become sepia-toned then black and white. I found myself in Pleasantville.
I'm not really sure what happened, but I snapped out of it. Life is in color. I can't describe problems with a complex/simple metaphor using the beach. The genuine happiness I had for my friends being overwhelmed by my depression is stupid and a waste of time. My youthful optimism had not returned, but instead a matured optimism with a sense of realism. It's been about two weeks and I feel better than ever. My problems are still there, but I'm dealing with it better than I did 17 days ago.
I tried searching for answer to a problem and instead ended with nothing but wasting time. For example, I had trouble discerning between confidence and cockiness. I admire one and despise the other. Exuding confidence displays positive effects that tend to rub off on other people; exuding cockiness tends to rub people off the other way. (Yes, pun intended haha.) I wanted to be confident without being called cocky; I wanted to be humble like Rose, but not narcissistic like Lebron. Being called cocky is offensive. Retorts like "I call it confidence" or "psh, I ain't cocky" automatically places a negative label over you. MJ (both) was confident as well as cocky. He was the greatest to ever play (and sing), but no one had any qualms with their demeanor. Blah blah blah. What's the point in caring? It's a waste of time to be self-serving, self-conscious, and selfish when there are greater problems in Joplin and other places around the world.
I can't sleep at night sometimes because of how excited I am to wake up the next morning. I haven't felt so alive in a long time. It feels like I went from greaser to jock to greaser.
I think I've watched one too many seasons of Scrubs in the past few days. But I have no regrets. It's entertaining and gets me thinking about life. I find it uncanny that I have the same quirky features as JD, a fictional character who has a inner monologue that is childishly amusing and realistically wise. Meh. It really doesn't matter since it's just a TV show.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow! Sucks that my brother's leaving for Boston already. Oh well, such is life
For the past 6 or 7 months, I thought and thought and thought. I tried to be practical and come up with a solution as to how and why there was any direction in anything that existed. I fixed myself in a pensive position as the world moved past me. I slept during classes, hung out with friends, played basketball, and whatever else I usually did. I even blogged occasionally. But at the same time I was searching for an answer to a question I didn't even ask yet. A trip to PCB revealed a glimpse of what I was looking for. I appreciated the aesthetics and momentarily moved away from pragmatism. I looked out into the Gulf of Mexico, took a deep breath, and then closed my eyes.
"Life: The Never-ending Journey into the Unknown." Having unanswered questions wash away with the waves and then return crashing with the waves became simple. As the tide pulls the water away from between your toes, you remain momentarily above the sand. Problems return to the ocean as your feet begin to dry. But the tide will return eventually, as will the problems. The cycle of moisturizing and evaporating never ends. Problems are always going to be there just like water (fingers crossed). Escaping the waves doesn't mean the waves don't exist. The waves remain there, but the feet become dry. It's a shitty metaphor but it was a start.
The past semester was by far the WORST and HARDEST time of my life. I felt like I was in a different country all by myself. Even though I was in the company of my closest friends, I still felt like Robinson Crusoe. My problems started confounding and -just like the economy- the downward spiral continued. I continued to plummet into new rock bottoms so often that life was giving me the People's Eye. I often told myself, "You're finally at rock bottom now." Only to find myself in a new hole. I lost all hope. My youthful optimism that invigorated me up every day disappeared. I was in the middle of my own Dust Bowl.
Seventeen days ago, I found myself depressed. It was normal as I had already realized the lingering condition following me everywhere I went. It didn't help that I was celebrating my friends graduating and moving on. I felt like I was being left in the dust. Feeling alone while not actually being alone is probably one of the worst feelings ever. I found no joy in anything. Everything started to become sepia-toned then black and white. I found myself in Pleasantville.
I'm not really sure what happened, but I snapped out of it. Life is in color. I can't describe problems with a complex/simple metaphor using the beach. The genuine happiness I had for my friends being overwhelmed by my depression is stupid and a waste of time. My youthful optimism had not returned, but instead a matured optimism with a sense of realism. It's been about two weeks and I feel better than ever. My problems are still there, but I'm dealing with it better than I did 17 days ago.
I tried searching for answer to a problem and instead ended with nothing but wasting time. For example, I had trouble discerning between confidence and cockiness. I admire one and despise the other. Exuding confidence displays positive effects that tend to rub off on other people; exuding cockiness tends to rub people off the other way. (Yes, pun intended haha.) I wanted to be confident without being called cocky; I wanted to be humble like Rose, but not narcissistic like Lebron. Being called cocky is offensive. Retorts like "I call it confidence" or "psh, I ain't cocky" automatically places a negative label over you. MJ (both) was confident as well as cocky. He was the greatest to ever play (and sing), but no one had any qualms with their demeanor. Blah blah blah. What's the point in caring? It's a waste of time to be self-serving, self-conscious, and selfish when there are greater problems in Joplin and other places around the world.
I can't sleep at night sometimes because of how excited I am to wake up the next morning. I haven't felt so alive in a long time. It feels like I went from greaser to jock to greaser.
I think I've watched one too many seasons of Scrubs in the past few days. But I have no regrets. It's entertaining and gets me thinking about life. I find it uncanny that I have the same quirky features as JD, a fictional character who has a inner monologue that is childishly amusing and realistically wise. Meh. It really doesn't matter since it's just a TV show.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow! Sucks that my brother's leaving for Boston already. Oh well, such is life
Friday, April 29, 2011
Distracted
Two hours spent at the library and only learned one concept that is of no use at all. Thirteen hours until two deadlines and physically have nothing to turn in. Procrastination at its best? I should have been a business major. I hustled the heck out of people to get the answers and work done. It baffles me how much better I am at doing accounting, finance, and marketing things than I am at gel electrophoresis, column chromatography, and Schlenk lines. Too late now. Or is it? Too much to think of at the moment.
I really want to do work, but distraction comes so easily when there's no pressure.
I want to:
-make a new playlist
-play basketball
-look for new shoes (basketball, dress, running, and casual)
-catch up on reading books, magazines, and blogs
-finish my mega-thesis about the historical and political contrast between the Great Depression and the Great Recession, as well as its connection to the inevitable Pax Sinica that's about to dominate for centuries
-watch the Office
-learn the next set of chords for the guitar
-wash the remaining six to eight loads of dirty clothes
-dream about places to visit after graduation
-discuss the word play on '**** is where my heart lies'
-buy supplements for the mind and body (jack3d, protein, choline citrate, and piracetem)
-experience the Bulls winning a championship in person
-find my Garden of Eden
-do some QT
-go home
-complete everything required for my lingering mistake
-make that failed music video from last summer
-lease an apartment/house that isn't constantly dirty
-share daily tasks with my future wife so they don't become heavy burdens for the both of us
-figure out if I even want to get married
-make a video with my kids
-dream a new dream
-list the 30 day music challenge without having to do more than one song in one day
-keep up with the good mood I've been
-discover another forgotten $20 bill in my jeans
-be in two places at once
That was a relief. Time to return to restriction mapping and completing my terrible Wikipedia page..
I really want to do work, but distraction comes so easily when there's no pressure.
I want to:
-make a new playlist
-play basketball
-look for new shoes (basketball, dress, running, and casual)
-catch up on reading books, magazines, and blogs
-finish my mega-thesis about the historical and political contrast between the Great Depression and the Great Recession, as well as its connection to the inevitable Pax Sinica that's about to dominate for centuries
-watch the Office
-learn the next set of chords for the guitar
-wash the remaining six to eight loads of dirty clothes
-dream about places to visit after graduation
-discuss the word play on '**** is where my heart lies'
-buy supplements for the mind and body (jack3d, protein, choline citrate, and piracetem)
-experience the Bulls winning a championship in person
-find my Garden of Eden
-do some QT
-go home
-complete everything required for my lingering mistake
-make that failed music video from last summer
-lease an apartment/house that isn't constantly dirty
-share daily tasks with my future wife so they don't become heavy burdens for the both of us
-figure out if I even want to get married
-make a video with my kids
-dream a new dream
-list the 30 day music challenge without having to do more than one song in one day
-keep up with the good mood I've been
-discover another forgotten $20 bill in my jeans
-be in two places at once
That was a relief. Time to return to restriction mapping and completing my terrible Wikipedia page..
Monday, April 25, 2011
Post-Dream Conference
It's been nearly two days, four times waking up, and almost 36 hours since I woke up from that dream. It's crazy to think about what kind of dream I had, but the impact it's had on my life is starting to unfold.
Almost an hour after I finished my last blog post, I told one of my roommates about the dream. The dreams he has are crazy; the dreams I have are crazy. Simply, we share many of those dreams. This time was different. After I told him everything, he told me if I have been talking with either my mom or brother. It's been awhile, but my brother and I facebook message each other every now and then. It's enough to the point we talk to each other often enough to keep each other updated. My mom and I usually talk in spurts. A lot here and there, almost never during the other times. This cycle has been in the 'almost never' since spring break ended. After grilling and baking during the whole day, my mom called me. It was pretty awkward, but good to hear that she was alive. Every day I'm learning something new. I realized how much my family means to me. The empty void I felt during my dream is something I want to avoid in reality. Death is inevitable, which makes the people around you that much more important because of the (lack of) time you have with them.
Pretty enjoyable watch. It doesn't have to relate to life all the time, but it's something to think about for the future. Love?
Random Thought: 1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with these childish things." You don't have to be religious to realize that the Bible has some of the simplest ideas and turns into something greater. That chapter in particular talks about love. Crazy how I thought about my family then and I remembered this random chapter.
The NBA playoffs are sick! I'm hoping the Thunder play the Grizzlies (Thunder in 6), Lakers play the Blazers (Lakers in 6), and then the Thunder grind out a 7-game series with the Lakers to play the Bulls in the Finals. I'm hoping the Bulls clinch against the Pacers on Tuesday (to play the Hawks) on the same night the Blackhawks rally to clinch Game 7 against the Canucks. How epic would a double clincher for Chicago be?! The Cubs are winning and losing appropriately. This year isn't the year, but I can't wait until June to see Starlin and Barney get hot!
What should I do after graduation? Move out of the city that I'm most comfortable in? Start a new life in a new city to meet the challenges I've been craving as of late? Run off to a different country for a different routine? Get a job, or continue school?
Immediate things to do: - finish Wiki project - do well on finals - get better endurance for basketball - lift - catch up on new music for April - daily routines
Almost an hour after I finished my last blog post, I told one of my roommates about the dream. The dreams he has are crazy; the dreams I have are crazy. Simply, we share many of those dreams. This time was different. After I told him everything, he told me if I have been talking with either my mom or brother. It's been awhile, but my brother and I facebook message each other every now and then. It's enough to the point we talk to each other often enough to keep each other updated. My mom and I usually talk in spurts. A lot here and there, almost never during the other times. This cycle has been in the 'almost never' since spring break ended. After grilling and baking during the whole day, my mom called me. It was pretty awkward, but good to hear that she was alive. Every day I'm learning something new. I realized how much my family means to me. The empty void I felt during my dream is something I want to avoid in reality. Death is inevitable, which makes the people around you that much more important because of the (lack of) time you have with them.
Pretty enjoyable watch. It doesn't have to relate to life all the time, but it's something to think about for the future. Love?
Random Thought: 1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with these childish things." You don't have to be religious to realize that the Bible has some of the simplest ideas and turns into something greater. That chapter in particular talks about love. Crazy how I thought about my family then and I remembered this random chapter.
The NBA playoffs are sick! I'm hoping the Thunder play the Grizzlies (Thunder in 6), Lakers play the Blazers (Lakers in 6), and then the Thunder grind out a 7-game series with the Lakers to play the Bulls in the Finals. I'm hoping the Bulls clinch against the Pacers on Tuesday (to play the Hawks) on the same night the Blackhawks rally to clinch Game 7 against the Canucks. How epic would a double clincher for Chicago be?! The Cubs are winning and losing appropriately. This year isn't the year, but I can't wait until June to see Starlin and Barney get hot!
What should I do after graduation? Move out of the city that I'm most comfortable in? Start a new life in a new city to meet the challenges I've been craving as of late? Run off to a different country for a different routine? Get a job, or continue school?
Immediate things to do: - finish Wiki project - do well on finals - get better endurance for basketball - lift - catch up on new music for April - daily routines
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Brainstorming Dream
Damn! That was a scary ass nightmare. I woke up from a dream where life got intense and I couldn't wake up. I was with my mom, my brother, and my friend whose face I can't remember. All four of us decided to go on a road trip, because lately that's been what I love doing. We decide to drive out to some coast; although I'm not exactly sure where we were. We rented a house on the beach. It had the best view of the sunset/sunrise. We ate like champions. We grilled seafood, burgers, brats, and hot dogs. Next thing we know, we're in the attic talking. I look out the window. And it's a tornado on water?? Water spouts are pretty common during storms, but it wasn't raining outside. Boom! The mini-tornado rips through the house. It wasn't disastrous though. It came in through the window and stopped in the middle of the house.
We took it as a warning sign and ran off to our car. We drove off into a beach parking lot thinking it was safer than the beach house. All of us decided to sleep. Ring ring! It was my friend's dad who was mad at my friend for running off unexpectedly. We got up and walked away from the beach to figure out what to do. We were sitting on a table by one of the facilities nearby while I was smoking a cigarette. The gates surrounding the area seemed pointless. It didn't block anyone from trespassing. There were large gaps that people could easily sneak through. CRASH! It was the sound of a wave colliding with one of the penetrable walls around us. We were mesmerized by what was happening. The waves had reached out to us. We were sitting at least 200-250 yards away from the shore. Then it hit me. My mom and my brother were still sleeping in the car parked at the beach parking lot. I tried to see if the car was there, but I couldn't see anything but water engulfed everything in sight. The waves were getting more fierce. We had to ran away from the waves and made our way to a hotel.
We took a deep breath and tried to assess the current situation. Maybe it was just a dream? It couldn't have happened so quickly. How do tornadoes form on water? What do we do now? We went to a hotel and stayed there waiting to find out the news. A few days later, it was confirmed- they were deceased. The shock of it was devastating. I had no idea how to react. Do I embrace my emotions and let everything out, or do I act strong for my family and myself in order to ride the storm? I did a little bit of both.
Now, I had to think of how we were going to go back home from the trip. My friend and I had enough money to sleep and eat, but not to drive. The logic doesn't make sense, but that was the present situation. For the next couple of days, we did odd jobs here and there. We scrounged up enough money to head back home.
The journey home was quick. Once I was home, I looked around. Everything reminded me of my family. An intense rush of emotions poured out. I yelled. I screamed. I punched. I cried. I prayed. It wasn't fair. I thought about what life would be like without them. For example, my mom helps me with taxes and money things. I thought how it would be like for me to do taxes by myself for the first time without her guiding me through it. I thought about other things, like would our dog miss them? Eventually, I wake up. The nightmare/dream felt so real.
We took it as a warning sign and ran off to our car. We drove off into a beach parking lot thinking it was safer than the beach house. All of us decided to sleep. Ring ring! It was my friend's dad who was mad at my friend for running off unexpectedly. We got up and walked away from the beach to figure out what to do. We were sitting on a table by one of the facilities nearby while I was smoking a cigarette. The gates surrounding the area seemed pointless. It didn't block anyone from trespassing. There were large gaps that people could easily sneak through. CRASH! It was the sound of a wave colliding with one of the penetrable walls around us. We were mesmerized by what was happening. The waves had reached out to us. We were sitting at least 200-250 yards away from the shore. Then it hit me. My mom and my brother were still sleeping in the car parked at the beach parking lot. I tried to see if the car was there, but I couldn't see anything but water engulfed everything in sight. The waves were getting more fierce. We had to ran away from the waves and made our way to a hotel.
We took a deep breath and tried to assess the current situation. Maybe it was just a dream? It couldn't have happened so quickly. How do tornadoes form on water? What do we do now? We went to a hotel and stayed there waiting to find out the news. A few days later, it was confirmed- they were deceased. The shock of it was devastating. I had no idea how to react. Do I embrace my emotions and let everything out, or do I act strong for my family and myself in order to ride the storm? I did a little bit of both.
Now, I had to think of how we were going to go back home from the trip. My friend and I had enough money to sleep and eat, but not to drive. The logic doesn't make sense, but that was the present situation. For the next couple of days, we did odd jobs here and there. We scrounged up enough money to head back home.
The journey home was quick. Once I was home, I looked around. Everything reminded me of my family. An intense rush of emotions poured out. I yelled. I screamed. I punched. I cried. I prayed. It wasn't fair. I thought about what life would be like without them. For example, my mom helps me with taxes and money things. I thought how it would be like for me to do taxes by myself for the first time without her guiding me through it. I thought about other things, like would our dog miss them? Eventually, I wake up. The nightmare/dream felt so real.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Journey Renewed
It's been awhile since I've done this. I wanted to update what's going on in the NBA playoffs (the Bulls are struggling but still 2-0) and music (different playlists for different moods), as well as mention the revolutions taking place throughout the world. I'd like to touch on how the nation is struggling to stick to its identity, while other nations are better hiding their own (even if they aren't bad). Or how everything involving chemistry has become mundane, while everything else catches my eye so easily. There's a time and place for things. It'll happen when it happens.
I haven't been a very religious person in years, but I started reading this article I saw in my Facebook news-feed. Normally, I don't care about links that other people share because I tend to read what I want to read. Lately, I rarely go on Facebook, much less read about what's going on in other people's lives. I want to communicate with people directly and not depend on the internet as a medium. I'm a little old-fashioned, but hand writing letters isn't far-fetched to me at all.
To get back on track, I clicked on a link that I probably wouldn't have seen or cared to look at any other day. To my surprise, it was about The Second Coming of Jesus. I thought it pertained to the music industry and how the Devil runs the show. There was a greater meaning that I never thought about before. I still have to finish the article, but there was something in the article that sparked some curiosity. The relevance between birthdays (xx/xx/19xx) and bible verses (Book: xx:xx). I didn't really think of it too much but I tried (and continue trying) it out for myself.
Genesis: "But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father's nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father's nakedness."
Exodus: "When Moses stretched out his staff toward the sky, the Lord sent thunder and hail, and lightning flashed to the ground. So the Lord rained hail on the land of Egypt;"
Leviticus: "Moses and Aaron then went into the Tent of Meeting. When they came out, they blessed the people; and the glory of the Lord appeared to all the people."
Numbers: "At the Lord's command they encamped, and at the Lord's command they set out. They obeyed the Lord's order, in accordance with his command through Moses."
Deuteronomy: "And when the Lord sent you out from Kadesh Barnea, he said, 'Go up and take possession of the land I have given you.' But you rebelled against the command of the Lord your God. You did not trust him or obey him."
Those were the verses from the first five books of the Bible known as the Pentateuch or the Laws of Moses. I'm still thinking and reflecting about life in all its splendor. Now, this is something I will probably keep in mind for the time being. Time to resume school and sleeplessness.
I haven't been a very religious person in years, but I started reading this article I saw in my Facebook news-feed. Normally, I don't care about links that other people share because I tend to read what I want to read. Lately, I rarely go on Facebook, much less read about what's going on in other people's lives. I want to communicate with people directly and not depend on the internet as a medium. I'm a little old-fashioned, but hand writing letters isn't far-fetched to me at all.
To get back on track, I clicked on a link that I probably wouldn't have seen or cared to look at any other day. To my surprise, it was about The Second Coming of Jesus. I thought it pertained to the music industry and how the Devil runs the show. There was a greater meaning that I never thought about before. I still have to finish the article, but there was something in the article that sparked some curiosity. The relevance between birthdays (xx/xx/19xx) and bible verses (Book: xx:xx). I didn't really think of it too much but I tried (and continue trying) it out for myself.
Genesis: "But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father's nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father's nakedness."
Exodus: "When Moses stretched out his staff toward the sky, the Lord sent thunder and hail, and lightning flashed to the ground. So the Lord rained hail on the land of Egypt;"
Leviticus: "Moses and Aaron then went into the Tent of Meeting. When they came out, they blessed the people; and the glory of the Lord appeared to all the people."
Numbers: "At the Lord's command they encamped, and at the Lord's command they set out. They obeyed the Lord's order, in accordance with his command through Moses."
Deuteronomy: "And when the Lord sent you out from Kadesh Barnea, he said, 'Go up and take possession of the land I have given you.' But you rebelled against the command of the Lord your God. You did not trust him or obey him."
Those were the verses from the first five books of the Bible known as the Pentateuch or the Laws of Moses. I'm still thinking and reflecting about life in all its splendor. Now, this is something I will probably keep in mind for the time being. Time to resume school and sleeplessness.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Stress up the wazoo
With a month left of school, I don't know how to feel about graduating. I met many people I've come to like and dislike; I learned a lot about a major I've come to like and dislike. It sucks realizing that after four years I really should never have came to this school. This school is too conservative and ignorance is plentiful. I blame most of what's happened on me but where would I have been if the school actually cared about student. On that note, I really am the Tin Man/Nick Chopper.
There's one of those life experiences that people will never forget. Meeting a tattoo artist, two townies, a gullible man, and a violent man pretty much changed my view in life. I simply never want to deal with bullshit. I feel colder to most people these days. Maybe I should take anger management classes, or maybe smoke a shit load of weed.
I got chewed out by my mom. She pretty much knew my recklessness in high school. But she gave me the benefit of the doubt and hoped it was just my youth. Nope. It apparently got worse as I came to the school surrounded by cornfields. Getting out of here does make sense for all parties involved. When I walk away with my diploma, I will have inherited thousands in debt, hundreds of acquaintances, a handful of close friends, and a few lingering regrets.
Playing the guitar again has been pretty fun. I find the challenge of remembering anything I learned to be great enough to the point that I want keep playing until I learn it all again.
In 4 hours I have one homework assignment due. In 7 hours I have another two homework assignments due. In 11 hours I have to meet with an official. In 12 hours I have to go home for the night. In 25 hours I have to meet with a family friend. In 26 hours I have to come back to Champaign for a lab report due in 30 hours.
Life temporarily sucks.
There's one of those life experiences that people will never forget. Meeting a tattoo artist, two townies, a gullible man, and a violent man pretty much changed my view in life. I simply never want to deal with bullshit. I feel colder to most people these days. Maybe I should take anger management classes, or maybe smoke a shit load of weed.
I got chewed out by my mom. She pretty much knew my recklessness in high school. But she gave me the benefit of the doubt and hoped it was just my youth. Nope. It apparently got worse as I came to the school surrounded by cornfields. Getting out of here does make sense for all parties involved. When I walk away with my diploma, I will have inherited thousands in debt, hundreds of acquaintances, a handful of close friends, and a few lingering regrets.
Playing the guitar again has been pretty fun. I find the challenge of remembering anything I learned to be great enough to the point that I want keep playing until I learn it all again.
In 4 hours I have one homework assignment due. In 7 hours I have another two homework assignments due. In 11 hours I have to meet with an official. In 12 hours I have to go home for the night. In 25 hours I have to meet with a family friend. In 26 hours I have to come back to Champaign for a lab report due in 30 hours.
Life temporarily sucks.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Invigorated
Limitless was an intense movie. It felt like I was rolling, tripping, freaking out, flying, chilling, or any of those euphoric feelings from drugs all at once. There was information being fed to the ears while so much was moving visually. Or maybe I just couldn't keep up with the plot. heh. Bradley Cooper did a good job of portraying different personas for one character. He looked like a crackhead and a speeddemon all in the same movie without making it seem like he was ever sober.
I just started listening to Ian Axel's This Is The New Year album. Pretty upbeat with a retro feel. The Strokes, Jack Johnson, and Blink 182 all playing in one band. Well, not that great. But that's the closest I can describe it.
I hung out with the old crew. Some things change, some things don't. I talked to a friend about getting tattoos. We're looking to get some during the summer. At one point we realized that we're 22 years young. A distant 17 years old seemed like ages ago. It seemed like time flew by while at the same time it seemed like time was moving slowly. It was a crazy feeling to realize that we just aged. Even though we knew we were still young, we felt as though time had effortlessly turned forward.
I realized the motivation, the drive, the dreams that drove me during high school. It sucks being out of shape, a shell of my former self. Basketball has never been more fun. New basketball shoes? Hopefully soon. (Wow, the song "The Music That Haunts This Town" has a Beethoven feel to it. I didn't even realize it was a classical song.) Being home I realized how great my mom's cooking is. She made bibimbap (mixed rice with vegetables) the first night I was home. Then she made kalbi (Korean bbq ribs) the next. Sushi maki rolls. Bibim-nengmyun (spicy buckwheat noodles). Fresh strawberries. Korean pears. Fuji apples. Samgyetang (Korean chicken soup). Asparagus. There's been so much food I feel like I'm in heaven!
I feel like I've caught up with sleep after going sleep-deprived for weeks. Sleep is good. Being sick during spring break has been pretty fun so far.
I just started listening to Ian Axel's This Is The New Year album. Pretty upbeat with a retro feel. The Strokes, Jack Johnson, and Blink 182 all playing in one band. Well, not that great. But that's the closest I can describe it.
I hung out with the old crew. Some things change, some things don't. I talked to a friend about getting tattoos. We're looking to get some during the summer. At one point we realized that we're 22 years young. A distant 17 years old seemed like ages ago. It seemed like time flew by while at the same time it seemed like time was moving slowly. It was a crazy feeling to realize that we just aged. Even though we knew we were still young, we felt as though time had effortlessly turned forward.
I realized the motivation, the drive, the dreams that drove me during high school. It sucks being out of shape, a shell of my former self. Basketball has never been more fun. New basketball shoes? Hopefully soon. (Wow, the song "The Music That Haunts This Town" has a Beethoven feel to it. I didn't even realize it was a classical song.) Being home I realized how great my mom's cooking is. She made bibimbap (mixed rice with vegetables) the first night I was home. Then she made kalbi (Korean bbq ribs) the next. Sushi maki rolls. Bibim-nengmyun (spicy buckwheat noodles). Fresh strawberries. Korean pears. Fuji apples. Samgyetang (Korean chicken soup). Asparagus. There's been so much food I feel like I'm in heaven!
I feel like I've caught up with sleep after going sleep-deprived for weeks. Sleep is good. Being sick during spring break has been pretty fun so far.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Life Goes On
A lake gets polluted with sewage water. The city tries to clean the water but the amount of sewage spreading throughout the lake spreads at a faster rate than the rate that the lake is cleaned. A solution could be increasing the number of people cleaning in order to get the lake clean. Another solution could be to cut off sewage waste from seeping into the lake by diverting such routes to a landfill. Another solution could be to fix the sewage system so that the waste becomes purified and re-used so that waste is efficiently used. Or why not reduce waste?
It's the ignorant that I despise. Regardless of whether or not the said person was Asian or Black or Latino or whatever, it's pretty amazing how dumb people can be at times.
As the global population continues to exponentially explode throughout the globe, it's going to be hard to change the ignorance that comes along the accelerated rate.
Sometimes, I find it amusing how my roommate says the same kind of things but always starts with something like "I'm not racist or anything, but.." or "No offense to you, but.." or even "Do you feel the same way when.." or "Herropreases". Yeah, I accept the ignorance because it's hard to tell people to accept others for the way they are, even if they are rude by answering cell phones in libraries. On paper, everyone lives happily ever after without any bad things going on. But we don't live on paper, and life goes on..
(This post is in no way serious as it is amusing. Procrastinating to resume concentration.)
It's the ignorant that I despise. Regardless of whether or not the said person was Asian or Black or Latino or whatever, it's pretty amazing how dumb people can be at times.
As the global population continues to exponentially explode throughout the globe, it's going to be hard to change the ignorance that comes along the accelerated rate.
Sometimes, I find it amusing how my roommate says the same kind of things but always starts with something like "I'm not racist or anything, but.." or "No offense to you, but.." or even "Do you feel the same way when.." or "Herropreases". Yeah, I accept the ignorance because it's hard to tell people to accept others for the way they are, even if they are rude by answering cell phones in libraries. On paper, everyone lives happily ever after without any bad things going on. But we don't live on paper, and life goes on..
(This post is in no way serious as it is amusing. Procrastinating to resume concentration.)
Friday, March 11, 2011
Another Checkpoint: Me
I'm coming off the worst day of my life. Ever. The events have unfolded in such a way that I have never been so screwed before. My professor hates me and refuses to help me unless I have something complete to show him. Problem is that I don't have the slightest idea what to do because many of the questions I have requires him telling me what to do rather than telling me what I should be thinking about. I went into see my advisor and she told me that not only am I not graduating this semester, but the major I thought I was doing is not what I'm doing. I need one more class to graduate, and the degree I thought I was seeking is ranked one of the hardest in the university. The degree I would graduate with is by far one of the easiest degrees in the university as it is part of the easy Pre-Med majors that I despise. I just wasted 3 and a half years to come so close to fall very deep. On top of all of this, I have a sickness that doesn't seem like is going away and I'm in between a rock and a hard place. The past 2 hours seem like 127 hours have just passed by. I just sat in the Courtyard for an hour reflecting about the past year, the past two years, the past three years, the past life.
In an uncanny way, I am totally fine with all of this. Much of what has happened thus far is my fault. I can't blame anyone because I put myself in this situation. I complain because I have no other outlet of expressing my frustration. During my reflection, I thought about things that mattered and things that don't matter.
Up to this point in my life, I have surrounded myself with people I think are friends while claiming to be an independent person. The act alone is hypocritical because an independent person does not need the amount of acquaintances that I have met. Although I do have a great passion for caring about others, it doesn't translate into my personal life. I tend to the stranger more than I do to friends. I think the root of this is probably because of the lack of consistent friends due to the numerous times I have moved from home to home and from school to school. I simply have no idea how to be a great friend, but I try to be the Good Samaritan regardless of the situation I'm in. I should apologize to my closest friends for being so translucent. I realize now that I did not intend to be an asshole when I meant to be a friend. Most of those situations were in the past, but have molded the relationships I currently have.
I have no idea how to explain how vivid my memory is. I can recall things from the past in a picture perfect way. In 2nd grade, the first time I ever experienced sunny rain was while I was walking back by myself towards the daycare center. I looked up and didn't see a cloud in sight. Perplexed, I asked the teachers what was going on. They had no idea, but I tried to fill in the blank by making guesses. To this day, I still have no idea why it rains without a cloud in sight. Maybe it was a giant sprinkler that flew by? Regardless, my memory fails me as often as a coin flip does. (No one has a perfect memory.)
I wonder why things happen in life, but it usually takes months or years for me to really understand what had occurred. Sometimes I feel regret; other times I am relieved. At this point I feel a little bit of both. My biggest regret is lying to myself and that is also my biggest relief. I hope from this point forward I stop lying to myself and live with the truth. I used to consider myself an honest person. There were times I was, but many times I wasn't. Reminds me of Jim Carrey in Liar Liar at the end of the movie.
My mom thinks I'm the best liar out there because she can never tell when I tell her the truth or a lie. It's probably because I conditioned myself to believe whatever lies I was about to spit out. The source of that lies with my mom. When my parents were going through a nasty divorce, the kind that people see in movies, my brother and I only relied on each other. At that point, I only cared for my brother and neither of my parents. Why? My mom was delusional and did not believe the accusations my dad made. My dad was delusional and did not believe the accusations my mom made. In turn, the two of the most stubborn people I have ever made turned to me as the mediator at the ripe age of nine.
I simply do not understand the lack of logic. How does a nine year old cope with such things? At that time, I felt like I could tackle the issue in order to protect the brother I love. I was the hero in the many Disney movies my brother and I watched together. I was the Tommy, the Green/White Ranger. I was the hero who could save the day. I did everything my parents asked of me. I became very neutral and unbiased because I thought I loved both parents equally. No one knew. That was my darkest, deepest secret. I believe that's why my life has shaped into the way it has because of what I did at such a young age. I consider myself very neutral at many things; I look at both sides before making an established opinion; I have trouble picking what to eat whenever I go to restaurants.
My parents' problems became my problem. I tried my best to shield my brother from as much of the problem. That act defined a characteristic I believe is a big part of me. I have an undying loyalty and want to protect those who are close to me. An example would be the fact that I currently attend the university, which amazed me since I was about eleven. It was my dream school, and I completely forgot about it until now. It makes more sense why I never considered other schools except this shitty one. At this point there is nothing I can do but move forward with the problem I put myself in. I had opportunities to go to better schools, but I simply didn't consider them because in high school I for some reason always wanted to come here. Figures.
The relationship I have with my brother has come full circle. As a child, I always watched over my brother. I made sure the bullies who wanted to pick fights with him only picked fights with me. I remember coming home from playing with the neighborhood kids and having black eyes, telling my mom that I colored my eyes in. There was a certain kid who was desperately searching for my brother with a metal pole. It was pretty obvious. I told him to fight me instead and now I have a scar on my head. The kid wrongly sought to beat up my brother for things my brother never did, except for just being a certain race. Why? Growing up in poverty, you meet all sorts of people, mainly the ignorant.
Sadly, after moving to the suburbs, our relationship crashed like the Challenger. He resented me for moving us from the hectic city to the quiet suburbs. He has always been a bright student and that alone makes me very proud. He had many friends in the city, but my mom thought it would be best to move away from the city for many reasons. The main one being our future, which I was fucking up by associating myself with the wrong crowd and in turn made my grades start to slide; the other being my dad, which seems pretty stupid but had to be done for my mom's sake.
Today, things are much smoother than they have been in the past because I've aged with wisdom and realized how selfish I used to be in high school. High school - the time to conform. Although being social and trying to fit in is the norm for the average teenager, I really wished I listened to my closer friends. I understand now when one of my close friends always said to me that I was wasting my potential with the habits I had and still have. He was very perceptive and gave me his best advice. Instead, I lied to myself and told him that he was the liar, the false prophet. Even his name foretold the truth years later. At the time I just wanted to be average.
Nowadays, people keep telling me I'm a nerd when I spill out any knowledge I have amassed in the past. What I'm about to say is very condescending, but being smart doesn't mean you're a nerd and I'm very proud about how much I know (and still want to know). If you have the ability to learn, then you should learn and not flock with the masses. Generally, the average person is just average. I yearn to be more than average, better than average, not average. It doesn't bother me when people call me a nerd because I know so much information. A lot of me knowing information isn't because I study it or because I want to learn it, most of the time I just retain the information well. It was a useful skill for cramming in high school.
After today, I have never been more inspired. It took me to hit my own rock bottom in order for me to realize many things. Even the silly things. I was never a big drinker because it's liquid poison and the drunkenness is just an unnatural chemical reaction. Smoking cigarettes is literally the suffocation of the lungs. I have always liked girls in different ways. Girls I loved I would never tell; girls I didn't love I told them. Girls are my downfall because I have the ability to make a commitment and stick to that commitment. The thought of marriage is frightening because it's the rest of my life with another person. The thought of marriage is fruitful because it's the rest of my life with another person. Children are going to be a blessing and a half. Sports is an addiction that I should break. It consumes a lot of my time. But maybe that's just what passion is? Reading about history is pointless because it remains in the past. Reading about history is important because the past repeats itself. Showing emotions is weakness. Showing no emotions is weakness. Duality or equilibrium? Either way is fine with me.
For Lent, I want to become a better man, a better son, a better brother, a better citizen, a better Christian, a better student, and a better me. It's not about what I'm sacrificing; it's about what I'm changing.
In an uncanny way, I am totally fine with all of this. Much of what has happened thus far is my fault. I can't blame anyone because I put myself in this situation. I complain because I have no other outlet of expressing my frustration. During my reflection, I thought about things that mattered and things that don't matter.
Up to this point in my life, I have surrounded myself with people I think are friends while claiming to be an independent person. The act alone is hypocritical because an independent person does not need the amount of acquaintances that I have met. Although I do have a great passion for caring about others, it doesn't translate into my personal life. I tend to the stranger more than I do to friends. I think the root of this is probably because of the lack of consistent friends due to the numerous times I have moved from home to home and from school to school. I simply have no idea how to be a great friend, but I try to be the Good Samaritan regardless of the situation I'm in. I should apologize to my closest friends for being so translucent. I realize now that I did not intend to be an asshole when I meant to be a friend. Most of those situations were in the past, but have molded the relationships I currently have.
I have no idea how to explain how vivid my memory is. I can recall things from the past in a picture perfect way. In 2nd grade, the first time I ever experienced sunny rain was while I was walking back by myself towards the daycare center. I looked up and didn't see a cloud in sight. Perplexed, I asked the teachers what was going on. They had no idea, but I tried to fill in the blank by making guesses. To this day, I still have no idea why it rains without a cloud in sight. Maybe it was a giant sprinkler that flew by? Regardless, my memory fails me as often as a coin flip does. (No one has a perfect memory.)
I wonder why things happen in life, but it usually takes months or years for me to really understand what had occurred. Sometimes I feel regret; other times I am relieved. At this point I feel a little bit of both. My biggest regret is lying to myself and that is also my biggest relief. I hope from this point forward I stop lying to myself and live with the truth. I used to consider myself an honest person. There were times I was, but many times I wasn't. Reminds me of Jim Carrey in Liar Liar at the end of the movie.
My mom thinks I'm the best liar out there because she can never tell when I tell her the truth or a lie. It's probably because I conditioned myself to believe whatever lies I was about to spit out. The source of that lies with my mom. When my parents were going through a nasty divorce, the kind that people see in movies, my brother and I only relied on each other. At that point, I only cared for my brother and neither of my parents. Why? My mom was delusional and did not believe the accusations my dad made. My dad was delusional and did not believe the accusations my mom made. In turn, the two of the most stubborn people I have ever made turned to me as the mediator at the ripe age of nine.
I simply do not understand the lack of logic. How does a nine year old cope with such things? At that time, I felt like I could tackle the issue in order to protect the brother I love. I was the hero in the many Disney movies my brother and I watched together. I was the Tommy, the Green/White Ranger. I was the hero who could save the day. I did everything my parents asked of me. I became very neutral and unbiased because I thought I loved both parents equally. No one knew. That was my darkest, deepest secret. I believe that's why my life has shaped into the way it has because of what I did at such a young age. I consider myself very neutral at many things; I look at both sides before making an established opinion; I have trouble picking what to eat whenever I go to restaurants.
My parents' problems became my problem. I tried my best to shield my brother from as much of the problem. That act defined a characteristic I believe is a big part of me. I have an undying loyalty and want to protect those who are close to me. An example would be the fact that I currently attend the university, which amazed me since I was about eleven. It was my dream school, and I completely forgot about it until now. It makes more sense why I never considered other schools except this shitty one. At this point there is nothing I can do but move forward with the problem I put myself in. I had opportunities to go to better schools, but I simply didn't consider them because in high school I for some reason always wanted to come here. Figures.
The relationship I have with my brother has come full circle. As a child, I always watched over my brother. I made sure the bullies who wanted to pick fights with him only picked fights with me. I remember coming home from playing with the neighborhood kids and having black eyes, telling my mom that I colored my eyes in. There was a certain kid who was desperately searching for my brother with a metal pole. It was pretty obvious. I told him to fight me instead and now I have a scar on my head. The kid wrongly sought to beat up my brother for things my brother never did, except for just being a certain race. Why? Growing up in poverty, you meet all sorts of people, mainly the ignorant.
Sadly, after moving to the suburbs, our relationship crashed like the Challenger. He resented me for moving us from the hectic city to the quiet suburbs. He has always been a bright student and that alone makes me very proud. He had many friends in the city, but my mom thought it would be best to move away from the city for many reasons. The main one being our future, which I was fucking up by associating myself with the wrong crowd and in turn made my grades start to slide; the other being my dad, which seems pretty stupid but had to be done for my mom's sake.
Today, things are much smoother than they have been in the past because I've aged with wisdom and realized how selfish I used to be in high school. High school - the time to conform. Although being social and trying to fit in is the norm for the average teenager, I really wished I listened to my closer friends. I understand now when one of my close friends always said to me that I was wasting my potential with the habits I had and still have. He was very perceptive and gave me his best advice. Instead, I lied to myself and told him that he was the liar, the false prophet. Even his name foretold the truth years later. At the time I just wanted to be average.
Nowadays, people keep telling me I'm a nerd when I spill out any knowledge I have amassed in the past. What I'm about to say is very condescending, but being smart doesn't mean you're a nerd and I'm very proud about how much I know (and still want to know). If you have the ability to learn, then you should learn and not flock with the masses. Generally, the average person is just average. I yearn to be more than average, better than average, not average. It doesn't bother me when people call me a nerd because I know so much information. A lot of me knowing information isn't because I study it or because I want to learn it, most of the time I just retain the information well. It was a useful skill for cramming in high school.
After today, I have never been more inspired. It took me to hit my own rock bottom in order for me to realize many things. Even the silly things. I was never a big drinker because it's liquid poison and the drunkenness is just an unnatural chemical reaction. Smoking cigarettes is literally the suffocation of the lungs. I have always liked girls in different ways. Girls I loved I would never tell; girls I didn't love I told them. Girls are my downfall because I have the ability to make a commitment and stick to that commitment. The thought of marriage is frightening because it's the rest of my life with another person. The thought of marriage is fruitful because it's the rest of my life with another person. Children are going to be a blessing and a half. Sports is an addiction that I should break. It consumes a lot of my time. But maybe that's just what passion is? Reading about history is pointless because it remains in the past. Reading about history is important because the past repeats itself. Showing emotions is weakness. Showing no emotions is weakness. Duality or equilibrium? Either way is fine with me.
For Lent, I want to become a better man, a better son, a better brother, a better citizen, a better Christian, a better student, and a better me. It's not about what I'm sacrificing; it's about what I'm changing.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Checkpoint
The past month has been quite a blur. I have never been this busy but efficient in college. Lab reports cannot be blown off; homework assignments are immediately finished. Exams have not been any different than they have been in the past, but the busy-busy mentality have made studying easier. It's quite ironic that my best study habits have developed after seven grueling semesters of refining. (I just finished listening to Phantogram's Eyelid Movies - "10,000 Claps" and it fits the mood.)
Today marked the first "break" I've had in a couple weeks. Even if I didn't have school work to do, I've had to and still do worry about graduation and post-graduation. To top it off, having visitors becomes overwhelming. I am no way trying to be a hermit. Although I enjoy the company of friends, having a stampede of acquaintances parading through the streets of Chambana week after week gets troublesome. While in the midst of a career crisis, I find it troubling that friends prefer that I join them in their debauchery. In the past I would have done it in a minute, but this time I really do need my own time to reflect. I really do wish I could partake in beerfests like Unofficial, but time is precious. (Nick Drake should be praised for his album "Bryter Layter" because it's pretty relaxing. Jim Morrison meets jazz/lounge.)
The Bulls have been on a tear. 2nd place in the Eastern Conference with big wins over the Heat and the Magic, with a close loss to the Hawks in between. It's been huge for Chicago since Rose has been drafted. The hometown kid has grasped the reigns and is leading the Bulls back to prominence. Even if we fall short in the playoffs, there's a bright future ahead with Rose, Noah, and Deng reaching their primes and Boozer supplementing it with his vast experience. Beyond this year, I do see problems ahead with their roster as Rose is probably going to attain a max contract and the rest of the roster having increases in their payroll. The next viable option for a shooting guard comes either through a trade or the draft. While trading for players may seem simple, it requires a player to be on the trading block meaning that player is not wanted by their current team for obvious reasons or that we give up a king's ransom - draft picks, money, and future role players. The team chemistry is impeccable and has the potential to break the developing Super team model. Trades involving superstars, e.g. Carmelo Anthony, can negatively impact a team's future based on salary cap restrictions and horrible draft placing (increased wins mean lower draft picks). The Miami trio signing could prove to be the ultimate downfall of the NBA. It may bring in more revenue for the league, but it's at the cost of the smaller markets. Whatever hurts the smaller markets causes the luxury teams to pay for said shortcomings. It's going to be a valid argument in future collective bargaining agreement talks as the NBA heads into the lockout that the NFL's currently in. (Donald Glover, 'Troy' from the hilarious Community, has an alter ego - Childish Gambino. Not only is he an actor, but he spits out creativity in the funniest ways.)
The NFL lockout seems like a dud. Not only is it boring to hear billionaire owners argue that they don't have AS MUCH profit as before, but to hear that millionaire athletes don't have enough compensation is redundant as well. Millions of fans across the nation are following a situation that has more media coverage than the union battles occurring in key states. Bill Simmons does a great job of exploiting the issue. It's a billion dollar business which should force people to reconsider the task at hand. (Ian Axel's song makes me excited about everything.)
I probably should be working on my lab report, but I think I'm going to rid the procrastination from my body. I've been meaning to blog for weeks. I really do wish I had more time so I can expand on certain topics that I've read and interpreted. Being in college, most students focus on the social and academic aspects while shutting out the rest of the world. The world is going through dramatic changes every day. Government policies throughout the world dictate more of people's lives than they realize. (I saw a video raising awareness for deaf people and immediately liked the song played in the background.)
Focusing on the present while subsidizing the future comes with catastrophic consequences. Many of the issues that people debate over really do not focus on prevailing issues that have been present since the Enlightenment. I sit here waiting for influential writers like Rousseau, Malthus, Smith, and many others to come along and change the scope of present policies. In the pro-capitalist global market, there is no room for such needless things as long as corporations benefit at the cost of the proletariat. How silly of me, what I meant to say was that in capitalist economies the rich get richer because the poor get poorer. With money comes power, and so inevitably the control of current government. Even the Vatican falls under this category. Because Americans always hope for the best and hope to turn into the next feel good rags-to-riches story, a false sense of security defeats the innate logic embedded in people's brains. (Akon's new (or old) single makes you want to drink the night away.)
The last thought I'd like to leave off before I blog in the near future starts with the article I just read. It talks about possible downfalls of society. While the argument is valid, it doesn't mean people should run around in fear. There's always the case that some miraculous turn of events like that of the Enlightment, the Industrial Revolution, and the Technological Revolution will change the course of history. But the article hits the point as it comes back to the present and tackles the issue of the current crisis throughout the world - war. Much of them are fighting for the democratic freedom that the US imposed upon Iraq and Afghanistan. Since the US is a global power, many countries are quick to bite their tongue. (I'm a HUGE Wiz Khalifa fan and this song doesn't fail.)
Looking beyond the reasons of why we went to war, people should look at the economics of entering war. Trillions of dollars spent, billions of dollars given back to the rich, and trillions of dollars in debt. If I'm not mistaken, the Great Depression occurred as result of the massive credit given out to the general population. It's quite debatable, but World War II lifted the economy while tax rates were at an all time high (about 66%). The (anti-)parallel drawn is the Great Recession occurring DURING the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. True democracy still hasn't been established; millions of people are still debating about the spending budget. As a result, public unions, education, and social programs are at risk to be cut all because the nation did not properly fund the wars. It's quite ironic to have borrowed a ton of money from the government, return a comparable sum to a select group, and skew political rhetoric for lobbyist agendas. It becomes a no brainer when thinking of such issues. (Rihanna's popularity continues to soar. This single really makes people want to dance!)
My next few posts will scratch the surface and reveal much more to the naked eye. The Great Depression vs The Great Recession will be the main argument. Before I delved into the topic, I lied in the center slightly leaning towards the upper left. Much of what I've learned has removed from the political spectrum and onto a different map - the humane spectrum. I've never really had any aspirations with this blog other than to inform my future self of thoughts I might forget months or years from now. Now, I hope that these concrete thoughts will develop me (or readers) into better, smarter people. Until then, on to the next checkpoint.
Monday, February 14, 2011
V-Day
It's the fourteenth of February, or Valentine's Day. Couples celebrate with roses and chocolates, single people celebrate with.. other single people. A martyr's death has now become a commercial holiday. It's kind of ironic how life works out.
Love? What is love? Hmm.. Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more.
Growing up watching Disney classics like Lion King, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast (everyone saw it), Robin Hood, Fox and the Hound, Mulan, Hercules, Tarzan, and a bunch more skewed my perception of love. The hero saves the day and ends it with his love.
After the invention of the printing press and the start of globalization, love has become universal. Filled with Hallmark cards, smelly carnations, boxes of chocolate, and teddy bears V-Day has become more materialistic than once was centuries ago. Sure, it doesn't hurt to commemorate love on a universal holiday, but "love" has filled the air. Millions of guys everywhere book reservations
at restaurants they can barely afford and eat "romantic" food. This day has become more predictable than Jersey Shore.
I applaud those who celebrate love in its entirety. The notion that loving and living with someone for the rest of your life is pretty scary. There's so many things that can complicate the situation. The divorce rate seems to be getting better, but how? I grew up thinking that I would eventually find that someone to live with. It's a bit overwhelming thinking about it all at once. Woo-sah.
Right now, I'm not waiting or hoping or searching. I'm caught in a current and the flow feels comforting. I've been going downstream and reached a calmer part of the stream. I look back and see someone in the distance. Someone who oddly reminds me of myself when I was naive. Maybe, I'm still a little naive for thinking so, but it is what is. It seems like hundreds of miles between us, but somehow we're still close to each other. I shout, no one hears. I whisper, I'm heard. Irony and fate exist as the yin and the yang in this trance.
So far in 2011, so good in heaven. I'm thankful for the warmest day of the year up to this point. I wonder if I'm going to remember this year's Valentine's Day. Maybe, probably. I was originally going to rip apart then glue together the misconceived notion of commercialized love. At this point, I don't care because I've got a lot of work to do. Graduation is so close.
Love? What is love? Hmm.. Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more.
Growing up watching Disney classics like Lion King, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast (everyone saw it), Robin Hood, Fox and the Hound, Mulan, Hercules, Tarzan, and a bunch more skewed my perception of love. The hero saves the day and ends it with his love.
After the invention of the printing press and the start of globalization, love has become universal. Filled with Hallmark cards, smelly carnations, boxes of chocolate, and teddy bears V-Day has become more materialistic than once was centuries ago. Sure, it doesn't hurt to commemorate love on a universal holiday, but "love" has filled the air. Millions of guys everywhere book reservations
at restaurants they can barely afford and eat "romantic" food. This day has become more predictable than Jersey Shore.
I applaud those who celebrate love in its entirety. The notion that loving and living with someone for the rest of your life is pretty scary. There's so many things that can complicate the situation. The divorce rate seems to be getting better, but how? I grew up thinking that I would eventually find that someone to live with. It's a bit overwhelming thinking about it all at once. Woo-sah.
Right now, I'm not waiting or hoping or searching. I'm caught in a current and the flow feels comforting. I've been going downstream and reached a calmer part of the stream. I look back and see someone in the distance. Someone who oddly reminds me of myself when I was naive. Maybe, I'm still a little naive for thinking so, but it is what is. It seems like hundreds of miles between us, but somehow we're still close to each other. I shout, no one hears. I whisper, I'm heard. Irony and fate exist as the yin and the yang in this trance.
So far in 2011, so good in heaven. I'm thankful for the warmest day of the year up to this point. I wonder if I'm going to remember this year's Valentine's Day. Maybe, probably. I was originally going to rip apart then glue together the misconceived notion of commercialized love. At this point, I don't care because I've got a lot of work to do. Graduation is so close.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Road Trip
I am always going to remember my random trip to Panama City Beach, FL with Derek and Amy.
On the drive, there was a lot of snow and rain, forests, unlit roads, and emptiness. It was also in the middle of the night which made it scarier. We almost got driven off the road by a truck, but luckily I'm here writing to share about my experience. Going through the southern states opened up a different perspective of the country.
There are many poor neighborhoods in the South. Within those towns are abandoned houses, dead farms, and luxurious McDonald's. It really didn't make sense that poor places are being invaded by giant golden arches. Capitalism has reached beyond the reaches of suburbia and have invaded the slums in Alabama. The inexpensive goodies have made the Bible belt one of the largest regions in America while profiting the 1% who will never meet nor care about their customers. It was pretty bad.
Once in Florida, we looked and looked for a hotel. The most economical option was 7 miles outside of the town, but the hotel was very comfortable. We went to get oysters and gator balls during dinner. The raw oysters were very delicious, the gator balls were the exact opposite. Super salty. Afterwards, we went to the beach. It was nighttime and the stars were shining bright. Derek was an idiot and decided to go in the water with his shoes on. Bad choice. The nightlife in PCB seems very fun. Even though it was the offseason, there were a lot of people at Club La Vela - the "largest club in the world". Before going back to the hotel we took advantage of the 50 chicken mcnuggets for $10.99. That's how people get fat.
In the morning, we packed and got ready to leave. We spent the rest of the day at the beach. The weather was sunny and 60 degrees. It felt like a mini-summer. We appreciated not being in a blizzard or subzero degree weather.
The view was magnificent. I feel like I went through an epiphany. I stared down the horizon into the vast Gulf of Mexico. Only clouds and seagulls broke my concentration. The sunshine radiated and sweat started to drip. I looked up in the sky and felt like the world was spinning (in a good way). I realized how small we are compared to the rest of the world and the universe. Then and there I appreciated the beauty of nature. Big Bang theory or Intelligent Design don't matter. There is existence that has to be accepted as truth. The reasoning may never be realized. Humans have pondered the reasoning behind how and why we exist. In the end, it just becomes a testament of faith. Things are the way they are. No questions asked.
On the drive, there was a lot of snow and rain, forests, unlit roads, and emptiness. It was also in the middle of the night which made it scarier. We almost got driven off the road by a truck, but luckily I'm here writing to share about my experience. Going through the southern states opened up a different perspective of the country.
There are many poor neighborhoods in the South. Within those towns are abandoned houses, dead farms, and luxurious McDonald's. It really didn't make sense that poor places are being invaded by giant golden arches. Capitalism has reached beyond the reaches of suburbia and have invaded the slums in Alabama. The inexpensive goodies have made the Bible belt one of the largest regions in America while profiting the 1% who will never meet nor care about their customers. It was pretty bad.
Once in Florida, we looked and looked for a hotel. The most economical option was 7 miles outside of the town, but the hotel was very comfortable. We went to get oysters and gator balls during dinner. The raw oysters were very delicious, the gator balls were the exact opposite. Super salty. Afterwards, we went to the beach. It was nighttime and the stars were shining bright. Derek was an idiot and decided to go in the water with his shoes on. Bad choice. The nightlife in PCB seems very fun. Even though it was the offseason, there were a lot of people at Club La Vela - the "largest club in the world". Before going back to the hotel we took advantage of the 50 chicken mcnuggets for $10.99. That's how people get fat.
In the morning, we packed and got ready to leave. We spent the rest of the day at the beach. The weather was sunny and 60 degrees. It felt like a mini-summer. We appreciated not being in a blizzard or subzero degree weather.
The view was magnificent. I feel like I went through an epiphany. I stared down the horizon into the vast Gulf of Mexico. Only clouds and seagulls broke my concentration. The sunshine radiated and sweat started to drip. I looked up in the sky and felt like the world was spinning (in a good way). I realized how small we are compared to the rest of the world and the universe. Then and there I appreciated the beauty of nature. Big Bang theory or Intelligent Design don't matter. There is existence that has to be accepted as truth. The reasoning may never be realized. Humans have pondered the reasoning behind how and why we exist. In the end, it just becomes a testament of faith. Things are the way they are. No questions asked.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
DJ play that song!
These are some songs that have been stuck in my head for the last month and haven't gotten around to updating this blog.
Hello - Martin Solveig & Dragonette
I'm really digging this song!
How U Do That - B.o.B
Whoops, number 2 on my playlist
Watch the Sun Come Up (Devil's Gun Zeitgeist Remix) - Example
Hey! Good Morning!
They Were Here (ft. Imogen Heap) - Jasper Kid
Using a sample from 'Hide & Seek', the song is pretty much a random song using Imogen Heap's voice.
Peter Pan Complex - Dumbfoundead
The Lily Allen remix features a catchy song from the booming artist from LA.
Truth (ft. Passion Pit) - Chiddy Bang
Chiddy Bang throwback from the Swelly Express
Folds In Your Hands - Passion Pit
It's one of those 'I can rage or chill to this song'
Sign Language (ft. Wynter Garden) - Kinetics & One Love
Reminds me of Immortal Technique's Dance With The Devil, this Brooklyn duo recreates the lyrical modern tragedy.
The Fight - Truth Himself
Not as good as Eminem, but for being an unsigned rapper I think it sounds pretty good.
Make Noise - AudioDax
A 'Go Happy' Song
Constellations - Jack Johnson
I'm a big fan of Jack Johnson. Throwback
Broken Stereo - Sean Fournier
If that last song was too slow, then this one's for you.
We're Done - Wiz Khalifa
Can't stop listening to it.
Goodbye - Sean Fournier
Heard it on GMAD's Cram Session. Pretty catch song
Check out some art or some food. An update on my random Florida road trip is coming up.
Hello - Martin Solveig & Dragonette
I'm really digging this song!
How U Do That - B.o.B
Whoops, number 2 on my playlist
Watch the Sun Come Up (Devil's Gun Zeitgeist Remix) - Example
Hey! Good Morning!
They Were Here (ft. Imogen Heap) - Jasper Kid
Using a sample from 'Hide & Seek', the song is pretty much a random song using Imogen Heap's voice.
Peter Pan Complex - Dumbfoundead
The Lily Allen remix features a catchy song from the booming artist from LA.
Truth (ft. Passion Pit) - Chiddy Bang
Chiddy Bang throwback from the Swelly Express
Folds In Your Hands - Passion Pit
It's one of those 'I can rage or chill to this song'
Sign Language (ft. Wynter Garden) - Kinetics & One Love
Reminds me of Immortal Technique's Dance With The Devil, this Brooklyn duo recreates the lyrical modern tragedy.
The Fight - Truth Himself
Not as good as Eminem, but for being an unsigned rapper I think it sounds pretty good.
Make Noise - AudioDax
A 'Go Happy' Song
Constellations - Jack Johnson
I'm a big fan of Jack Johnson. Throwback
Broken Stereo - Sean Fournier
If that last song was too slow, then this one's for you.
We're Done - Wiz Khalifa
Can't stop listening to it.
Goodbye - Sean Fournier
Heard it on GMAD's Cram Session. Pretty catch song
Check out some art or some food. An update on my random Florida road trip is coming up.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Ultimatum
The sun came up awhile ago. The garbage trucks have picked up the usual. The sound of the buses have returned. The birds chirp once again. The dumb dog who barks at everything is outside taking its daily poop. The aroma released from the brown juice pulls all that is groggy toward it. The shower steams up the bathroom. A typical monday morning.. Oh wait, I haven't slept yet.
Insomnia. I haven't had insomnia for little over a week now. Same reasons, different time. I have no regrets about the past weeks. Although I managed to get nothing done, I find myself in a better position than I was 72 hours ago. I guess I need something intense in my life for me to realize certain things.
I am currently reading a short novel by Allen Carr. It's to prevent me from smoking. Although I have had the occasional light from here to there, I do in fact intend to quit smoking. I want to live a longer, healthier lifestyle. It's teaching me all sorts about being fearless during the process. I am starting to have a better understanding of fear.
Fear. Many scientists believe that a natural bodily reaction known as fight or flight gives a reasonable explanation for bravery and cowardice. Carr suggests that millions continue to smoke because they fear the lifestyle without nicotine. An example of mind over matter, the strength of the human mind and body. To simply rid yourself of an addiction seems absurd, but it gives hope. A lot of the fear becomes quelled after learning of the hope that can be carried on into the future. It may sound pretty redundant, but it's a fascinating concept. Everyone hears of the stories about those who overcome the most terrifying scenarios, but how could they have without any hope? Fear and hope are juxtaposed as much as right and wrong.
Now, I sit in bed, waiting for class to begin. Sleeping at this point is useless because I have not been this awake for several days. The exhaustion piled up and hit its max after the Bears lost to the fucking Packers 21-14. I was hoping Hanie would take it downfield and tie the game. I applaud the Bears for such a great season. As Cubs fans everywhere say, "There's always next year".
Worrying. I think my insomnia is a result of my knack for worrying, which I inherited from my mom. I am worried about my future. I want to do well. I want to be successful. I want to provide for my family. I want to make sure my kids don't live the same life as me. I want the world to be a better place once I retire. These are the same goals I have had since middle school.
This chubby kid from the city is slowly making his way onto the real world. With no nepotism at my disposal, I really am on my own. But, I realize now that the position I am in is the one I have craved the most. I chose science over business to further challenge myself with the uncertainties that come along with chemistry. After four years, irony could not have been a better world. I loved to do chemistry only because I knew there was an answer for EVERY question. I hated business because of the uncertainty that comes along with pursuing a life revolving around money. At this point, I am beyond overwhelmed. I do not know where my life is headed in the next five years. Whether it be the military, the government, school, hospitals, or even banks, I have not committed to anything beyond graduation.
Knowing. There comes a price for the insatiable thirst for knowledge. Every question has an answer. Rhetorical questions? Sarcasm? Really? I have been obsessed with knowing every detail about everything my entire life. The habit of becoming a know-it-all temporarily died until I came to college. Keeping my mouth shut about things that might make seem nerdy or geeky became a huge habit during high school. Coming to college, knowing many things becomes impressive to some and cocky to others. I carried the confidence that I could learn anything. I wanted to retain things so that the next time anyone had any qualms about history (or whatever) I would be there to answer. I try to squelch myself from time to time, but I only manage to find myself knowing that I brought up a bunch of random, useless information.
I washed my face and looked myself in the mirror. I have slowly come to realize that I do not in fact enjoy the lifestyle that I have become so heavily entrenched in. I do not enjoy ruining the equilibrium of the day. The nights become days and the days become night. The lights become brighter, the sounds become more intense. However, I do enjoy the ride. That is my ultimate downfall.
Jonah. I prayed for the first time in years. Hopefully it won't be my last time. I am still mixed about it, but I do not regret what has transpired. The path that is unforeseen..
Letter. Amidst all the binging, common themes come up. The stereotypical crazy partying scene from Garden State comes to mind most of the time. A majority of the time has been spent like that. The few intense thoughts that come to mind have popped up. I talked about it with certain people and it was pretty enjoyable just talking about it. Much of what I write on this blog does not even scratch the surface of what truly goes on inside. Luck, coincidence, fate. Those words mean nothing to me except that things happen (regardless of a higher meaning). After much thinking, I have decided to move forward after writing it all down in pen(cil).
Dang, it still sucks being wide awake.
Next page!
Insomnia. I haven't had insomnia for little over a week now. Same reasons, different time. I have no regrets about the past weeks. Although I managed to get nothing done, I find myself in a better position than I was 72 hours ago. I guess I need something intense in my life for me to realize certain things.
I am currently reading a short novel by Allen Carr. It's to prevent me from smoking. Although I have had the occasional light from here to there, I do in fact intend to quit smoking. I want to live a longer, healthier lifestyle. It's teaching me all sorts about being fearless during the process. I am starting to have a better understanding of fear.
Fear. Many scientists believe that a natural bodily reaction known as fight or flight gives a reasonable explanation for bravery and cowardice. Carr suggests that millions continue to smoke because they fear the lifestyle without nicotine. An example of mind over matter, the strength of the human mind and body. To simply rid yourself of an addiction seems absurd, but it gives hope. A lot of the fear becomes quelled after learning of the hope that can be carried on into the future. It may sound pretty redundant, but it's a fascinating concept. Everyone hears of the stories about those who overcome the most terrifying scenarios, but how could they have without any hope? Fear and hope are juxtaposed as much as right and wrong.
Now, I sit in bed, waiting for class to begin. Sleeping at this point is useless because I have not been this awake for several days. The exhaustion piled up and hit its max after the Bears lost to the fucking Packers 21-14. I was hoping Hanie would take it downfield and tie the game. I applaud the Bears for such a great season. As Cubs fans everywhere say, "There's always next year".
Worrying. I think my insomnia is a result of my knack for worrying, which I inherited from my mom. I am worried about my future. I want to do well. I want to be successful. I want to provide for my family. I want to make sure my kids don't live the same life as me. I want the world to be a better place once I retire. These are the same goals I have had since middle school.
This chubby kid from the city is slowly making his way onto the real world. With no nepotism at my disposal, I really am on my own. But, I realize now that the position I am in is the one I have craved the most. I chose science over business to further challenge myself with the uncertainties that come along with chemistry. After four years, irony could not have been a better world. I loved to do chemistry only because I knew there was an answer for EVERY question. I hated business because of the uncertainty that comes along with pursuing a life revolving around money. At this point, I am beyond overwhelmed. I do not know where my life is headed in the next five years. Whether it be the military, the government, school, hospitals, or even banks, I have not committed to anything beyond graduation.
Knowing. There comes a price for the insatiable thirst for knowledge. Every question has an answer. Rhetorical questions? Sarcasm? Really? I have been obsessed with knowing every detail about everything my entire life. The habit of becoming a know-it-all temporarily died until I came to college. Keeping my mouth shut about things that might make seem nerdy or geeky became a huge habit during high school. Coming to college, knowing many things becomes impressive to some and cocky to others. I carried the confidence that I could learn anything. I wanted to retain things so that the next time anyone had any qualms about history (or whatever) I would be there to answer. I try to squelch myself from time to time, but I only manage to find myself knowing that I brought up a bunch of random, useless information.
I washed my face and looked myself in the mirror. I have slowly come to realize that I do not in fact enjoy the lifestyle that I have become so heavily entrenched in. I do not enjoy ruining the equilibrium of the day. The nights become days and the days become night. The lights become brighter, the sounds become more intense. However, I do enjoy the ride. That is my ultimate downfall.
Jonah. I prayed for the first time in years. Hopefully it won't be my last time. I am still mixed about it, but I do not regret what has transpired. The path that is unforeseen..
Letter. Amidst all the binging, common themes come up. The stereotypical crazy partying scene from Garden State comes to mind most of the time. A majority of the time has been spent like that. The few intense thoughts that come to mind have popped up. I talked about it with certain people and it was pretty enjoyable just talking about it. Much of what I write on this blog does not even scratch the surface of what truly goes on inside. Luck, coincidence, fate. Those words mean nothing to me except that things happen (regardless of a higher meaning). After much thinking, I have decided to move forward after writing it all down in pen(cil).
Dang, it still sucks being wide awake.
Next page!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Casino Night
"Ka-Me-Ha-Me-Ha!" Every (Asian) child growing up during the late 80's and early 90's knows the phrase that made a dimwitted monkey child famous. A boy who collects 7 different pieces to make a wish. It seems pretty innocent.
'Dragonball: Evolution' butchered it all. I was channel surfing and came across the single star movie. Chow Yun Fat plays Muten Roshi, James Marsters plays Piccolo, Emmy Rossum plays Bulma, and ... Justin Chatwin plays Goku?!
There was some uproar over the cast selection, but I think they did a good job. Well, I guess if people never saw or heard of Dragonball, or know what real acting is like.. But Chatwin and Rossum have made up for their terrible performances in the new show 'Shameless'. The show is about a dysfuncional family with Rossum as the oldest sister/mom and Chatwin as the guy who chases after her. So far, so good. But to go back on track, Jamie Chung starred as Chi Chi in the live action movie. She must be a random Asian girl filling in for Goku's crush, right? Nope. She's starring in the most anticipated movie coming out this summer as Stu's fiance?!
Holy crap! What a transition from Heather Graham. No offense to her, but it's a huge switch with the movie taking place in Thailand, with Liam Neeson rumored to be a tattoo artist. Even Bill Clinton, the former president of the U.S., is making a cameo in the sequel. I hope Ed Helms doesn't fail to live up to the hype.
I enjoy watching The Office a lot. Andy Bernard's character was one of the most unique additions to the show. I would say the biggest loss had to be Karen. But I guess she had to leave in order for Jim and Pam to ever get together in their love story. I guess.
There have been some murmur in the news about Ricky Gervais, one of the original creators of the Office. I guess he shat on Hollywood at the Golden Globes this year and now has no intention of returning as the host. What a badass!
In other news, a recent study showed that alcohol ruins marriages. I guess we study things to re-affirm what we already know. Other times, not so much though. Smoking kills! But not as much as the government can! Why would you downsize police in a dangerous city? Slowly, we're setting up measures to keep the peace. I'm glad that people are able to learn from history and move forward with the bright future ahead of us!
I can't wait to go on vacation! The glass pyramid at the Louvre awaits.
'Dragonball: Evolution' butchered it all. I was channel surfing and came across the single star movie. Chow Yun Fat plays Muten Roshi, James Marsters plays Piccolo, Emmy Rossum plays Bulma, and ... Justin Chatwin plays Goku?!
There was some uproar over the cast selection, but I think they did a good job. Well, I guess if people never saw or heard of Dragonball, or know what real acting is like.. But Chatwin and Rossum have made up for their terrible performances in the new show 'Shameless'. The show is about a dysfuncional family with Rossum as the oldest sister/mom and Chatwin as the guy who chases after her. So far, so good. But to go back on track, Jamie Chung starred as Chi Chi in the live action movie. She must be a random Asian girl filling in for Goku's crush, right? Nope. She's starring in the most anticipated movie coming out this summer as Stu's fiance?!
Holy crap! What a transition from Heather Graham. No offense to her, but it's a huge switch with the movie taking place in Thailand, with Liam Neeson rumored to be a tattoo artist. Even Bill Clinton, the former president of the U.S., is making a cameo in the sequel. I hope Ed Helms doesn't fail to live up to the hype.
I enjoy watching The Office a lot. Andy Bernard's character was one of the most unique additions to the show. I would say the biggest loss had to be Karen. But I guess she had to leave in order for Jim and Pam to ever get together in their love story. I guess.
There have been some murmur in the news about Ricky Gervais, one of the original creators of the Office. I guess he shat on Hollywood at the Golden Globes this year and now has no intention of returning as the host. What a badass!
In other news, a recent study showed that alcohol ruins marriages. I guess we study things to re-affirm what we already know. Other times, not so much though. Smoking kills! But not as much as the government can! Why would you downsize police in a dangerous city? Slowly, we're setting up measures to keep the peace. I'm glad that people are able to learn from history and move forward with the bright future ahead of us!
I can't wait to go on vacation! The glass pyramid at the Louvre awaits.
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